We're all bound to.
But I wish we don't have to.
Knowing that you have a desire for one thing but giving it up to preserve someone else's desires, that's growing up. If you keep fighting, you know both parties will get hurt. So you let go first. That's why you let go.
I hope that there's someone who understands what the hell I mean.
I... find smiling more and more difficult to come to me naturally. I started thinking of smiling then I smile at work and home. However I don't feel sad or depressed. Just a very resigned feeling and contentment.
Ps. I wish to work at Google. I heard that their workplace is the BEST!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
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Yunda @ Request
Hi y'all!
Yes, at a special request from KKYZ, i decided to blog about something.
Taiyaki is nice to eat.
Its pretty much nothing drama-mama happening in my life right now. Nothing interesting anywayz.
But to update, here's a summary...
September And October Updates!
(In Order)
I went to DesmondWoot's 21 Bday party... I realised I am different from the other similar gender homosapiens there. I am more like a guy there than a girl... Male friends consoled me by saying that I play Guitar Hero which makes me awesome (though obviously not attractive in the other way) though at best, I can only score 78% in EASY mode.
I gathered the courage to buy a gift and handwrapped it painstakenly for the guy I am fond of. He... didn't show much emotional except for "thanks!". For the whole day, disappointment ran a 8-wheeler across my hearttracks on a 24hr race.
At work, I sort of "quarrelled" with this particular colleague of mine. Let's call him South Park Guy. He wrote something offensive to me and cc-ed everyone in the office. I nicely emailed him back the points i disagree with him, without cc-ing anyone, just him alone. Then he confronted me by yelling at me in the office. I was like: "What the shazzer are you yelling at ME for?"
Following day SPG tried to be nice to me. I'm guessing he's trying to be nice to make it up for the mis-communication. And SH*T, I was afraid of him being so nice. I tried talking to GIL (Guy I Like) about it, and GIL was saying that I cooking up politics in the office. Hurted that he have such an impression of me, I was silent the rest of the month)
Weird... by the end of the day, i was almost crying and upon meeting up with kkyz, cried out: "WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?!"
Then kkyz and I went to meet up with a ex-colleague at Acid Bar, she's celebrating her last day at work (though I am the only one from office to turn up for that event) with her friends. Another friend of hers frenched her infront of us. Its a woman. The guys were like : "HOLYOHMYGODDIDYOUSEETHATIGOTTOTWITTERABOUTIT" and I was like: "Woah. It looks like any other normal couple kissing. Meh."
Then I let slipped that my pay is slightly different from my colleagues. It came back to bite my ass. I learnt things about myself that I wished I didn't. One of my friends was too honest and told me what others think of me. I tried to change though, but it does not feel like its me anymore, and I ended up even more confused until I realised the problem. Simply said, I am (in others' eyes)...
A. Always comparing myself to others, and the verdict will always be that I am more pitiful.
B. Very attention-seeking
C. Complained to much
Ahhh.... I said too much.
And worst... Lately I keep having the feelings that my colleagues hate me. Two in particular... Weird... But am gonna ignore it.
Basically I am just thinking along this line for life now.
We all live different lives, who are we to judge others when others do not judge you? Since you started judging me, I can safely say that you are to be judged as well, and who is to say you do not have any bad points? And frankly, I REGRET TALKING BAD ABOUT SOME PEOPLE. Ends up they are better that others. And I feel the guilt. And people whom I trust them fully, are the ones who rips your heart out for dinner, then have your guts for the vultures and dogs. I will therefore, not comment anymore negative things about anyone else besides myself, as I only have the authority to judge myself and myself alone. If you are not happy with it, sod off.
On a happy note. I really am happier lately.
Yes, at a special request from KKYZ, i decided to blog about something.
Taiyaki is nice to eat.
Its pretty much nothing drama-mama happening in my life right now. Nothing interesting anywayz.
But to update, here's a summary...
September And October Updates!
(In Order)
I went to DesmondWoot's 21 Bday party... I realised I am different from the other similar gender homosapiens there. I am more like a guy there than a girl... Male friends consoled me by saying that I play Guitar Hero which makes me awesome (though obviously not attractive in the other way) though at best, I can only score 78% in EASY mode.
I gathered the courage to buy a gift and handwrapped it painstakenly for the guy I am fond of. He... didn't show much emotional except for "thanks!". For the whole day, disappointment ran a 8-wheeler across my hearttracks on a 24hr race.
At work, I sort of "quarrelled" with this particular colleague of mine. Let's call him South Park Guy. He wrote something offensive to me and cc-ed everyone in the office. I nicely emailed him back the points i disagree with him, without cc-ing anyone, just him alone. Then he confronted me by yelling at me in the office. I was like: "What the shazzer are you yelling at ME for?"
Following day SPG tried to be nice to me. I'm guessing he's trying to be nice to make it up for the mis-communication. And SH*T, I was afraid of him being so nice. I tried talking to GIL (Guy I Like) about it, and GIL was saying that I cooking up politics in the office. Hurted that he have such an impression of me, I was silent the rest of the month)
Weird... by the end of the day, i was almost crying and upon meeting up with kkyz, cried out: "WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?!"
Then kkyz and I went to meet up with a ex-colleague at Acid Bar, she's celebrating her last day at work (though I am the only one from office to turn up for that event) with her friends. Another friend of hers frenched her infront of us. Its a woman. The guys were like : "HOLYOHMYGODDIDYOUSEETHATIGOTTOTWITTERABOUTIT" and I was like: "Woah. It looks like any other normal couple kissing. Meh."
Then I let slipped that my pay is slightly different from my colleagues. It came back to bite my ass. I learnt things about myself that I wished I didn't. One of my friends was too honest and told me what others think of me. I tried to change though, but it does not feel like its me anymore, and I ended up even more confused until I realised the problem. Simply said, I am (in others' eyes)...
A. Always comparing myself to others, and the verdict will always be that I am more pitiful.
B. Very attention-seeking
C. Complained to much
Ahhh.... I said too much.
And worst... Lately I keep having the feelings that my colleagues hate me. Two in particular... Weird... But am gonna ignore it.
Basically I am just thinking along this line for life now.
We all live different lives, who are we to judge others when others do not judge you? Since you started judging me, I can safely say that you are to be judged as well, and who is to say you do not have any bad points? And frankly, I REGRET TALKING BAD ABOUT SOME PEOPLE. Ends up they are better that others. And I feel the guilt. And people whom I trust them fully, are the ones who rips your heart out for dinner, then have your guts for the vultures and dogs. I will therefore, not comment anymore negative things about anyone else besides myself, as I only have the authority to judge myself and myself alone. If you are not happy with it, sod off.
On a happy note. I really am happier lately.
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