The Unstable Poise

Feeling Down

2011-09-14T07:32:00.001+08:00

I'm going to stop blogging for a few days. Just till I got something happier to blog about. :)

Cheers.

Hold on!

2011-09-12T22:52:00.000+08:00

Is that your phone or mine?

O_O

2011-09-12T19:57:00.001+08:00

I got attacked by a banshee on my way home.

She had long dark hair, beggar looking clothes and a screech that makes you want to punch her in reflex. It's so shrill.

She ran pass me, turned around and shrilled at the top of her voice or at least at the peak of my audio capability. And then she took off.

My reflexes were to tense my body and raise my arms to choke her. My brain told me those are the "latest" teenager clothes. I mean, come on, how short can your shorts be, before they are considered as denim underwear? And do they HAVE to be torn? She looks like she've been dragged across fields as part of some medieval punishments!

As I recovered from that adrenaline rush, I realized...

I almost attacked a female teenager.

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Coffee, one cup I had

2011-09-12T07:34:00.002+08:00

That was on Saturday morning. I had ballet at 8am and I was dreadfully in need of a pick-me-up. After 2 hours of futile trying to memorize a new dance, the 3 of us (adult ballet trainees) decided to skip the grade 1 class and instead hop over to McDonald's cafe to grab a cup of coffee. I must say, cappuccino has never seem so delicious and savory. After that we went back for the grade 2 class. (we still train! We just need the caffeine, honest!) And we had ballet class yesterday morning 9-11.30.

My muscles are not even screaming anymore, they're pretty much in a comatose state. I'm numb and sore but it left so good to be dancing so much. Tripped, fumbled and got scolded for being slow at times. *shrugs* Maybe our coach is right. All dancers are masochistic. Torturing themselves so much all for the love of dance.

On a random side note, I'm back on my diet. Yes... I stopped dieting just before I switched my job. And I gained weight as a result. Plus I feel unhealthy eating oily food from outside. It's fine from time to time, but not on a regular basis. This time I took it up a notch. I halved all my carbs. That means half a small bowl of rice, potatoes, noodles, bread, etc etc. For that I've replaced with half a grapefruit or a handful of grapes or an orange. Only on days where I've dancing do I eat more.

I want to be in top healthy form at all times and especially for my up-coming dancing exams. :D

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No Coffee - Day 4

2011-09-09T07:16:00.001+08:00

7am onwards. I'm pretty much sleepy from time to time. But less useless-sleepy now. I think my caffeine withdrawal symptoms has diminished. Plus I'm wearing boot cut with heels. Nothing makes me more excited in a simple work outfit. Keeeeekekekeke.

No seriously. I'm off coffee for four days. I feel much better now.

Later there's a bar party that the office is attending. Don't feel like drinking unless it's wine. Social events make me feel scared at times. What if I make a scene of myself again? I've a bad enough track record. I'm starting afresh in this company, I ain't gonna screw this up!

Cheers!

No Cofee - Day 3

2011-09-08T07:24:00.001+08:00

7.18am - I am so sleepy. I need coffee.

Sigh.

No Coffee - Day 2

2011-09-07T07:24:00.001+08:00

7am - so freaking sleepy. I'm struggling to stay awake. Where is my train?!

7.25am - woke up JUST in time to get off and switch train. Barely even able to OH MY GOD
*runs for train*

*sobs* I really need my coffee... I'm just a mess withou- WHERE AM I?!

No Coffee - Day 1

2011-09-06T07:46:00.001+08:00

7am - I'm feeling pretty alright. Am on the train. Which is surprisingly empty. Probably cuz it's the school holidays. Slightly sleepy. But overall still alright.

7.25am - Where am I?

7.33am - I think I'll go grab some breath-mints.

7.40am - I'm too early at work. Sigh.

Arghhhhhhh

2011-09-05T20:33:00.001+08:00

.

No more coffee in the morning for me!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHH

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Hair

2011-09-05T07:24:00.001+08:00

Something that was meant to keep us warm has evolved to being something of great importance for visual attraction.

Take a look around. Almost all the women I know had taken care if not great care of their hair. Re-bonding, highlighting, consistent combing, expensive haircare products. And it's interesting when I take a look around when I'm on the train, just observing the different hairstyles. To be fair, it's not only the fairer gender that's preening themselves. Men are also conscious of how they look. I've nothing against it. Hey, eye candy IS candy to the eyes... Mmmm...yums.

So most people would agree with me, that the hairstyle that looks the best is when you're at home. Especially the night before, where your shoulder length hair is all straight and ever so slightly curling inwards, /without you ever combing it/.

The ideal outlook for the hairstyle you're sporting.

So how the hell I end up with frizzy hair every single morning?

Pfft. This post explains my perpetual ponytail hairstyle at work.

That Feeling Of!

2011-09-02T07:13:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I had to stay late and run dinner orders for artists who have last minute fixups for their shots.

And I was flustered and flushed. Stumbling and stuttering as I'm not familiar with the artists and the procedures still.

And amidst all that stumbling and being a stupid fool, the artists looked at me, and said, "thank you. You're doing a great job!" sincerely.

I...

It's all worth it. When you're doing even the smallest job, just as long as someone appreciate you... It's worth it.

Special Morning Update

2011-09-01T07:44:00.001+08:00

Good glorious morning! Sorry for the lack of updates lately. I've been rather busy. And it's with good tidings that I came back with!

I'm currently blogging from my iPhone. And I intend to do this on my journeys to/from work. It'll give some time to gather my thoughts and share some weird information from time to time. Plus I'm usually quite tired by the time I reach home, so I've not been online for a long time too.

Why am I so tired? Am I overworked again? Have I been staying at work till midnight again?!

No! (happy & loud)

I've switched my job for about half a month back. Currently working at Lucasfilm Animation Singapore. Not as an artist. Just as a production assistant. This company is huge... So I'm still trying to comprehend everything. But I'll just take it one step at a time. I'm exceedingly happy as it's a company that take cares of their employees very well, and the workload is manageable, not overwhelming. The reason why I'm so tired is because the journey to work takes me one car ride & 3 trains in the morning (1 hour) and 3 trains & 1 bus ride home (1 hour).

That's also why I'm blogging on the journeys instead of doing it on my laptop at my usual 1-2 am timings.

So this is a small update for readers. Especially those who converse with me on other Internet platforms... I'm just sluggish from waking up at 6am every morning. Wait till my body adjusts to it. Then I'll be back online!

Till then, dreams do come true if you fight for it!

One of Those Days

2011-08-31T22:03:00.001+08:00

During coaching class today, I tripped over a child while dancing and fell and injured where I shouldn't injure... My knee. The horde of children were laughing and laughing! *traumatized look*

Just one of those days. :/

Privacy at Work: Where to draw the line?

2011-06-27T19:53:00.003+08:00

So here's a pet peeve which might not be a very personalized pet peeve. Have you ever arrive at work one day and realized someone has been using your computer? Sending out emails using your emails? Talking using your Skype account (when you stepped away for to use the restroom)?

WELL. IT IRRITATES ME TO THE CORE.

And it happened more than once AND ITS STILL HAPPENING.

If you've a similar pet peeve, here's a wallpaper that you can use. Hissing when the offender steps near your workplace only helps to a very small degree. May try spitting and raising my claws the next time. Do let me know what measures you will take.

Animation OVERDOSE

2011-06-17T22:57:00.002+08:00

Been quiet here lately. For those who met up with me lately, you would know my life is nothing but quiet and peaceful. Haha. So here's an animation OVERDOSE. ENJOY.

Home Before Midnight: You earn 1 achievement Award

2011-06-01T00:15:00.007+08:00

I am actually so desensitized by a lot of extreme and seemingly drug-induced animation shorts that watching THIS does nothing to me. Only 5 mins after the video ended, then I realized its a trifle bizarre, but throughly enjoyable still.

Just got home. A little before midnight. But at least I've got an animation out. Its an achievement on its own. Lately I feel that I'm overworked. However, tonight's dinner with my partner helped cheered both of us up considerably. We both missed the rowdy and crowded days of the past. And its sad that now, there's only two of us holding everything together in Production and Art Department (me and her respectively). We recounted all the days where we had fun with our former colleagues (who had thus left the company). The embarrassing moments, the funny moments, the awkward moments, the proud moments... Each and every drip and drape of memories held dear to both of us flowed out over dinner. We roared with laughter, shrieked at different parts of the stories, finished each other's sentences, and silently glowed with pride at times.

Though we dine for less than an hour, and stayed back till late, today was especially fulfilling.

Whatever happened in the future, and regardless of the fact that we'll probably part in the future as colleagues... What matters is that at each moment, each present moment, we've already created memories that will never fade. Missing a person is never a flaw. Moving on is never a flaw. What matters, is you live life to the fullest for each moment. So in the future, you can look back, and smile with pride.

Enjoy this mashup by a pretty good-looking and talented boys:

Quick Sketch

2011-05-29T00:46:00.002+08:00

A quick sketch. I'm feeling a tad lonely... sigh...

W-w-what's happening?!

2011-05-28T15:32:00.004+08:00

How?

And I was only carrying laundry when it happened.

A Tribute

2011-05-27T22:37:00.003+08:00

For my beloved Richardo Seagate.

My much loved hard-drive for 5 months.

"I know you don't think that I am trying. I know you're wearing thin down to the core..."

*this is the first song that pops to my mind when the sorrow sets in after anger.

What A Terrible Terrible Event

2011-05-27T22:25:00.002+08:00

My Seagate Backup Harddrive. Died on me.

No spluttering. No "grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" of angry misuse. No sound. But also no lights. No Nothing. It's almost like it died in its sleep.

And I just backed up all my work this week. So... All my files. Gone.

SalonpaS

2011-05-27T00:34:00.003+08:00

I leaned over to the right ever so slightly, my eyes fixed on my laptop screen ahead, my right hand automatically reaching for the.... empty space on my shelf.

There was a brief but intense moment of panic and sheer fearfulness that existed within my soul.

My Salonpas patches are not where they usually are.

I found them eventually. But at the same time, I realized that I'm dreadfully reliant on them. 'Cause of my leg problem of course. And with the dreadful pain throbbing in my leg that renders me immobile from waist down, I bid you all good night...

I'M SO EXCITED.

2011-05-22T00:24:00.002+08:00

COACHING CLASS TOMORROW (Technically today.)

Collaboration Art

2011-05-17T23:19:00.002+08:00

This month's artwork, I proudly present to you... The Jester.

Artwork is by my Sensei. A talented (and hardworking) artist in Malaysia that I've had the good fortune to come across. So its a collaboration art piece. He gave me the black and white sketch as seen above, and I splash some colors on it. I hope I did justice to it though. Happy to do such collaboration work.

Anyone interested, let's have some collab' art together!
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The Golden Rule

2011-05-03T23:49:00.011+08:00

An excerpt from Wikipedia.

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The Golden Rule or ethic of reciprocity is a maxim, ethical code, or morality that essentially states either of the following:

One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself (positive form)
One should not treat others in ways that one would not like to be treated (negative/prohibitive form, also called the Silver Rule)

The Golden Rule is arguably the most essential basis for the modern concept of human rights, in which each individual has a right to just treatment, and a reciprocal responsibility to ensure justice for others. A key element of the Golden Rule is that a person attempting to live by this rule treats all people with consideration, not just members of his or her in-group. The Golden Rule has its roots in a wide range of world cultures, and is a standard which different cultures use to resolve conflicts.

The Golden Rule has a long history, and a great number of prominent religious figures and philosophers have restated its reciprocal, bilateral nature in various ways (not limited to the above forms). As a concept, the Golden Rule has a history that long predates the term "Golden Rule" (or "Golden law", as it was called from the 1670s). The ethic of reciprocity was present in certain forms in the philosophies of ancient Babylon, Egypt, Persia, India, Greece, Judea, and China.

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Basically, this post is to share an experience I faced today. How I had behaved out of line though I had always stood by this Golden Rule all my conscious life. Hopefully you will leave this web blog with food for thought.

The working day after a long weekend or a public holiday is unfortunately the busiest of the week. Backlogs from your own end, backlogs from your client's end, a result of the joyous i-can-leave-it-till-the-next-working-day attitude on the working day prior to the public holiday or long weekend. I had my fair share of sudden work piled on me, so though it was tempting, I actually finished my required work on last Friday, clearly leaving only the bare minimum to do for today. (I've to plan for work for the next working day too, being a Production Co-ordinator). And indeed, I spared no effort to clear as much as possible, knowing that today, something, something MIGHT go wrong.

And so far, everything was peachy. Doing what I've planned, and co-ordinating work for the rest of the week, clearing enquires and inquires for all my on-going projects. Thankfully, my partner is there to help me through with my work. Bless her soul. It was busy, but its good to be busy at work then to have nothing to do. So I'm rushing some projects that got through today, while making sure others is on track.

Then came one particular email requesting for file on my end. This lady called me up after I replied that I can only send by end of today, requesting that I send as soon as possible or preferably, NOW, as she wants to settle it within the working hours. I told her to give me 10 mins to get back to her with the files (as I'm working on something else at that moment). 10 mins passed, and I cleared what I was doing. I was getting ready to prep and send the files over, when she called up and just rudely said: "Hey, if you're not sending, then I'll go get the files from your studio itself. What are they doing, why so slow?"

I replied, "They'll need time too, I've just received the files from them." Which is surprise, surprise, the truth. They really just sent me the file. This isn't an excuse or a ploy to get her off my back.

She replied: "well, so that means YOU didn't send the file over then? (angry pause) I NEED to go home, you know? can you send over now?"

I calmly replied: "Yes, but it'll take at least 5 mins for the files (as they are bigger than average documents, these are audio files) to reach you. I'm sending over now."

Lady retorted: "Well, its been more than 10 mins since you said you'll get back to me with the files. I need to go home okay? When can you send it? When?!"

I looked at the clock, 6.19pm. I started at the numbers with a sudden silence, and replied softly: "I'm sending...now."

She muttered a few more things that I couldn't recall. And when she hung up, I was quietly sitting at my place, staring at the files attached in the email I am typing. My boss was behind me the whole time, he heard part of the conversation. And he asked my partner who was on the line. She replied him and that is when I burst.

"KNN CCB. That N*BE CH** B*E says SHE NEEDS TO GO HOME. She needs to go home and can't even wait for 5 mins and I'm wasting her time. Last week, for 3 days straight I waited past 8pm, even till 10pm without complaining, only worried that the email jams up or something. Patiently waiting for HER files to come in. Then F**KING came in at 10PM, and its not like my job ends there. Kao Pei Kao Bu! I still need to download and check through and F*CKING D*I JI*O labelled as NOT APPROVED. But I never complain, because I understand her team is also rushing. I just told her that my timing will get affected. DID I ONCE SAY "OI, B*TCH FASTER, CUZ I NEED TO GO HOME"?! NO. Because WORK is WORK. And she dare to say such things! KNN CCB!"

And my Boss was staring at me, saying numerous statements that didn't get through to me through my temper, and then one statement rang out loud through the haze of anger: "well, just pass her the files then."

I was shamed-faced and thoroughly embarrassed. My boss is right. I just have to send her the files. I reflected silently and (unfortunately) sullenly as I drafted the email and send the files to her. And I realized how poorly I've conducted myself as a co-ordinator. When I failed to hand up the files required by the deadline stated, I'm incompetent, its no fault of the Gods' or others. I should reflect on myself instead of finding an excuse to blow up.

Secondly, though I may be understanding, I have no right to assume others will be. It's my job then, to let them understand the restrictions to meeting the deadlines, as even baking bread will still need time even with a top-notch oven. Failure in understanding the restrictions by my clients reflect only on my inability to educate them on the problem.

Thirdly, giving way to others, doesn't mean others will give way to you. It's very much like a confession. You confess to your crush in hopes of getting accepted. But ultimately, he or she has a right, YES , a right to reject you. And in truth, you have a right to reject others too. So giving way to others is like watering your neighbors' plants. You HAVE to expect nothing in return. Unless, of course, you demand for it upfront. Then it'll be a business transaction.

So that concludes this shameful event of mine, and I'm sharing it publicly to remind myself of the shame I've caused myself. And this will be a reminder never again to behave so immaturely.

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Remember Sad Saturday?

2011-04-17T18:41:00.004+08:00

So if you had read my previous post, you would have noted how bitter I was about being unable to afford the exam fees for Ballet. However, if you think that I would be moping at home, feeling sorry for "my own sad little ass", then you don't know me well enough. *chuckles*

I was sad, distraught, blah blah blah. So last Sunday I spoke with my other 3 ballet friends and Monsieur Anthony after Ballet Class. And Finally. Worked. Out. A. Solution.

Coaching class will start mid-may, I simply can't wait. The fees are near half the price I would have needed to pay if I attended via the Dance School. And currently, with the diet I'm on, and spending less on materialistic items, I would be able to save up to pay continuously.

And a year ago, I would have just backed off and cry over this little set back. But now I just hold on to one train of thought. When I first danced at the age of 4, and when I finally get to dance after so long.... The feeling is the same. I am never letting this chance slip from me again.

If you have a dream so deep, a love so great, and a chance though slim, but present... You would understand my drive. No doubt, undoubtedly.

Sad Saturday

2011-04-09T22:47:00.004+08:00

I went for my ballet tryouts today. I've passed Anthony's grading to be considered as a student for Grade 3 Ballet Exams. Unfortunately, I can't afford to pay for the training fees, much less the coaching fees and the examination fees.

Why does it still boils down to finances stopping me? AGAIN.

My mom thought I was depressed because I couldn't make it, then I just told her that it's not that I failed, its that I can't afford to pay for the fees. She snorted at me and said: "I told you right from the start, arts, music and dance is all rich people's stuff. Know your place and status."

And I'm just bitter.

Very bitter.

The Heart Song

2011-04-06T00:18:00.002+08:00

Because I just had my first lesson in Music from a friend.

Focus!

2011-04-05T20:27:00.005+08:00

An old piece of work that I've done last week. My Boss was hinting that my colleague and I are getting plump. (Side tidbit: if you Google "plump fat" to see if I've the correct spelling... All you'll get is porn results. And I realized that there's a market for me out there! Just kidding!)

So I did up this quick piece and posted on Facebook. My Boss, after 4 months of hiatus, logged on to Facebook to clear all accusation by saying he wasn't implying anything at all. My colleague and I were like... YEAH RIGHT.

Recently my skin problems are acting up. So I'm scratching all over, and I broke the skin on my back. Which prompted me to consult a doctor today. Blood is usually a key factor of me moving my lazy and miserly bottom to a clinic. That and I don't want to have it spreading again. Plus the fact that I'm taking Ballet, and two weeks before I tore my toe nail off... Dang, I'm getting clumsy and neglecting my health again. Tsk. (No, I ain't gonna say Black Swan, I ain't no schizophrenia-mania!)

I'm happier lately though work and family have a few hurdles from time to time, but without the bitter, how do we appreciate the sweet? And during the last ballet class, we danced a little. And that was enough to make me smile every.single.time I recall that little sweet piece of memory.

Tee hee...

April Is Coming!

2011-03-28T01:46:00.003+08:00

Unfortunately, Shan is very annoyed by the fact that my Ladies have big boobs. All I can say is... Hey! I can do that to my drawings since.... NEVER MIND!

Work's been pretty busy lately. But its very very enjoyable. And that my boss, colleagues and I are becoming more and more like a family (albeit very strange relatives).

Ballet is BRILLiANT! Anthony said I've a bad habit of sticking out my butt. Whoops. I can't help that, as in R.Gym, we had to stick out that butt. Different genre of dance, different placement and posture! Still, I'm very very eager to attend Ballet each week. And Anthony is holding another class on Saturday for us too! Of course we'll have to pay for those lessons too. I guess its time to go on diet to save money AND lose weight for Ballet! <3 <3

Hope your week ahead will be fruitful and enjoyable too!

Oh look...

2011-03-24T00:10:00.001+08:00

... at what I am up to. So here's turning into a more ranting, wordy blog. I'll be putting my more finalized works here. But check out my daily sketches at http://3pm6pm.blogspot.com/!

See you there!

Caffeine

2011-03-15T01:00:00.003+08:00

Its been awhile since I've stayed up so late for such prolong timings that when I was at work, I was answering people's questions ASLEEP. My eyes were closed, my head on my table, my mouth answering coherently. I'm amazing that way.

So I sleepily went to make myself coffee, since work isn't going to let me rest. Not even 5 minutes pass that someone called me on skype, msn, email or phone. Well, then again, I shouldn't be feeling sleepy at 3pm smack in the middle of the afternoon. I sleepily scoop out 3 spoonfuls of coffee powder, 2 heaps of sugar and poured half a glass of hot water. I drank it all in one shot, while trying to talk Shan on MSN to keep me from typing "@$#$^%@!#$!" on emails because I was too tired to see what I'm typing anymore.

Bad move. 3 spoonfuls of coffee powder was an understatement. In truth, I actually had the container tilted to the cup and I was just SHOVING the powder out 3 times. Sleepiness impaired my better senses and 1 hour later, I was High. Multi-tasking like an intelligent octopus, and totally chirpy.

9 hours later, I'm feeling the back lash of sudden forced caffeine-induced high. The tireness is terrible. My stomach is groaning, my body screaming, and my brain feels like a lump of rotted meat in my skull.

BUT I CANT SLEEP.

The feeling was so awesome, I think I'll do it again tomorrow, because right now, I feel totally rotten.

Volonté (Willpower)

2011-03-04T01:23:00.005+08:00

Melancholy March

2011 March Artwork

Sometimes...I would stare at people complaining and complaining and stuck in self-pity when certain things are really within their reach if they had just made the effort to reach out and take it. And I walk away.

Sometimes, its about how hard you want it. There might be certain things that we're never able to get. Different restrictions for different people. But in all honesty, if you want something badly, you'll do almost everything to get it. And if you couldn't, you would still feel the strong belief that you tried your best. And then you bitch-slap your self-pity and TRY AGAIN. And when you are trying your best, you'll never complain. Because you know you're moving towards your goal. What you're doing during the journey is needed to get there.

Simply because, what is stopping you from trying again? It really boils down to how badly you want it.

Avant!

2011-02-20T23:15:00.002+08:00

Share with you something that happened on Saturday. Someone threw a bag of coffee at my house. That same person might be the one who left the empty can of beer and a huge puddle of vomit at my stairs too. I'm just perplexed... Why my house... But we just cleaned up and cussed a little.

Today was great. I went for my first dance class, and I went off with a classmate, Cheryl (there's a lot of Cheryls in this world!) to purchase our shoes. Squealing like little girls as we tried out the outfit and the shoes, I realized, I really missed doing something I like. I was worried so much about the class, whether I'm too old, whether I'll fit in, etc etc. But lo and behold, everyone in the class is of varying ages, and they're all friendly.

That said, my Office shrunk again. I couldn't handle the emotional baggage that was dealt, and over reacted. Well, I've had my weekend to vent my frustrated. And unfortunately, the guys from badminton got the brute of it when I kept screaming "UP YOURS!" every time I scored. Apparently after that, my face was a target. From this point onwards, I got to Man-Up!

A Sombre Entry

2011-02-14T01:43:00.003+08:00

When I climbed stairs back in my poly years, I would leap and bound up them, not because I'm in a rush, but just simply because I loved the feeling of leaping up the stairs. Now I realized when I climb the stairs, each footstep is heavy, each footstep no longer a light footed touch with a dream to fly. Each footstep imprints itself, weary, sad yet still moving forward.

When I talked to people back in my poly years, I would be gesturing with my hands, body and legs, just to illustrate my message across. More often then not, I would be hitting someone when I flailed my arms to show how exciting something was. Now during conversations, I realized I'm more reserved. And if I speak too loud, I would immediately drop my volume, shamed for speaking so crudely and loudly. If possible, I would have gotten to whispering as well. And sometimes, when I have so much to speak that I might be bursting, I held my tongue, simply because I felt its right to do it.

When I worked back in poly, I used to do it with a sparkle in my eyes, get emotional over any minor setback, and sit up straight. Now at work, even at home, I would hunch over my computer, try to make myself as small as possible. Seemingly to hide.

And it shocked me to realized, when I suddenly decided to dance for a short while today, that I've not danced in ages. Painted nor draw in ages. And the fire that burned in me inside, I don't feel it anymore. It's replaced with something else. More of a light bulb then a wild roaring fire.

I've tried so hard to change, and I did such a good job with myself, that I've lost what makes me ME. But people who mattered to me, seem to take it in stride, there's less conflicts. Less disagreements. I didn't seem to change much to them. Maybe this is all internal conflicts?

Even when typing all these, I don't feel a shred of emotion. This is all so factual to me. And I seemed to be taking it all in without any rejection. No hate, and with that, no love.

Sometimes I just feel that I might be weaving a cocoon around me to protect myself. But in that way, I might never live life.

So... What am I protecting myself from?

Look what I've made!

2011-02-06T02:48:00.006+08:00

If someone is to ask me to name what my Mother would be if she's not a housewife (an excellent one, by the way), I would say a Florist. And a really good one she'll be!

So I wanted her to start her own little business, but with my limited budget, I'm asking her to make bouquets of fake little roses out of this little fake roses that I've made from crepe paper. It's within budget, it can be a hobby if it doesn't take off as a business. And it's within interest as well! She likes crafting and so do I! It'll be a great bonding session!

That aside, I'm making roses for Valentine's. Hopefully the people I give will appreciate them.

Cheerios! I've two artworks coming right up next week too!

Conservative Chinese Woman

2011-01-29T03:35:00.006+08:00

Conservative Chinese Woman

Within her own box of rules, she is Bounded.

Her own set of fears, in truth, unfounded.

Her intimate feelings hidden but ablaze.

Seeming genteel, till you catch her gaze.

ps. This blog is going weekly!

Why Would They Fall for You?

2011-01-25T01:27:00.010+08:00

Without A Warning,

Pitter patter pitter pat.

They Fall Just for You.

A New Look

2011-01-24T03:21:00.006+08:00

My Blog has a new look!

And I feel apprehensive about tomorrow, because I've been procrastinating some work...

Oh God. I'm actually scared.

Sometimes I say the Darnest Thing

2011-01-20T23:35:00.005+08:00

So today I was chirpy and in a surprisingly good mood despite work having some hiccups.

And I was talking to a colleague as he was heading off, trying to be social and just downright friendly.

He shook his head and said earnestly,

"Where ever you're heading, I'm heading the exact opposite direction."

And left smiling.

And I yelled back at him, laughing,

"well, if we head far enough, we'll meet at the other end of the world!"

I said the darnest things sometimes.

Can we pretend...

2011-01-19T23:52:00.010+08:00

...that everything is alright when it's not?

This past few months have been a roller-coaster ride of logic thinking. And I've given almost everything I have, every decision I made, every action I create, a lot a lot of thought.

And I decided to cut everything cancerous to me away. Including friends, behavior and thoughts... Everything falls into place when I behaved logically. Like woah. And suddenly my life seems uncluttered. Nothing is perfect, but everything is shelved properly. Cold, clean and unfeeling.

Amidst the standard daily routines, I was listening to music and I just wonder... Am I too late to chase my dream? I really want to chase my dream. I'm crazy to think of that, but I just wonder... why not?

Ahahaha... Ends up, after all these logical thoughts, I'm still drawn towards the emotional pulls of the world.

I enjoy animation, I enjoy drawing, I enjoy the arts. But that's not my deepest dream.

I've been dreaming this dream since I was 4 or possibly younger. And I didn't pursue it due to health reasons. My own mother cried at my despair, at my pain, but she ultimately pulled me away. The physical pain is nothing compared to the sullen hurt of the lost dream. I didn't realize how much it hurt my mum, how much despair she felt. I am sure its not her dream to be a housewife as well. I mean, I inherit my ambitions from her!

But then again, if I could go back in time, would I have changed all my actions, and made all the different decisions?

I would have to forsake everything I know, everyone I know and love.

The truth is...My Answer Will NEVER MATTER. And I would cry thinking about it. Because I obviously can't go back in time.

So I'll just enjoy what I'm doing right now. After all, not everyone gets their dream, right?

HELL NO.

I'm taking different steps now. I didn't make all these changes to just continue being the same as I am.

Good Bye 2010 Tiger!

2011-01-16T04:12:00.001+08:00

A Modern Tale

2011-01-15T00:07:00.000+08:00

Supposedly I have a friend who is currently part-timing as a facilitator in a polytechnic. And supposedly to protect identities, let's call him Facil.

He would share with us his experience as a first-time lecturer and his views on it over one rainy lunchtime, when all of us were trapped at a coffeeshop without any umbrella.

And it would (this is merely hypothetical) bring back memories, both good and bad of the time when I was studying in Poly myself. Looking back, I will be happy that I had a meaningful poly life. Not all was good. In fact, there might be tons of grief- causing incidents and stupid mistakes that were made, petty arguments and yes, possibly even more. But let's not dwindle on my personal past. Even if it is hypothetical.

So Facil was stating that majority of the students there were not there by choice and would rather be studying something else, not animation or games or media at all! My first (hypothetical) reaction was one of repulsion and disbelief. Why then are you tormenting yourself by choosing this course? Being a person who would fight for my own dreams, I could not understand why these youth could be wasting their time doing something that they are not happy with. It's like forcing yourself to eat something you hate.

But understandably, some are there because they just followed the trend or their friends. So being stuck in a course that they have simply no interest in, restless youths starts to hate and neglect their studies. This in turn causes some grief to Facil who sincerely was trying to teach the students what he knows. One example he stated was, during one class when the students had to hand up homework, some didn't bother to do. Some of the works are not to the mark, and barely a handful made the requirements. He asked nicely if those who didn't get a good grade would wish to redo their assignments, and the answer was a tired, half-hearted... No.

I remembered during my assignments grading sessions, we would wail or even silently weep if we fail. And beg for a chance to re-do. And a lecturer like Facil would have been like an angel sent from the different powers we've all been collectively praying to. And sleep is usually forsaken. So we can finish the homework... Or die trying.

And that's how I became so... Pampered. And I would only want to work with motivated people. I would turn nasty to lazy people. Really nasty. And here's my half-hearted shout out to some interns who worked with me before. You guys are diamonds in the rough. But your laziness make me look down on you. Go polish up and come back to me. I would then show you this warm side of me that I reserved for like-minded people.

Oh wait, THE END. Hypothetically.

2011- FINALLY

2011-01-14T22:59:00.001+08:00

Finally people! My internet is back up.

2011

2011-01-01T00:18:00.002+08:00

It's already 2011! Unfortunately due to a small, alright HUGE technical glitch, I can't be posting anything too lengthy. Currently writing this on 3G. Until my Internet is back up in two weeks time, this is the latest you will hear from me. Buzz me if you want to keep in touch with me!

Letter to Santa

2010-12-21T01:25:00.003+08:00

Dear Santa,

I would like something good to eat on Christmas day. I ain't too fussy. So surprise me.

Love,

Yunda

P.s, thanks for fulfilling my last year's wish.

That time of the year again

2010-12-21T00:09:00.005+08:00

I did this up for my Mother's Cancer Doctor. Hope she'll like it.

Fairy Tales

2010-12-14T01:03:00.011+08:00

The Little Mermaid.

Many of the generation X or generation Y would remember The Little Mermaid as portrayed by Disney, where little Ariel falls in love, traded her voice and left everything behind for a man she fell in love with. Apparently just from first sight. Well, Eric is good looking enough for us to accept that without too much grumbling.

You would also probably remember the happy ending with the rainbow

shinning across the blue blue sky as Ariel and Prince Eric's wedding ship sailed off. And oh, what a beautiful beautiful show it is. Made you teared. Made you laughed. Made you smiled warmly while it drew a temporary conclusion to the chapter in the characters' lives.

But wait! Amidst the cheery songs and beautiful graphics...Does anyone remember the Hans Christian Andersen version? Its the original version of the adapted Disney's version. You can wiki it for the full story, but let me just run you through the gist of it.

The little mermaid in this story, met a human prince where she fell in love with, at first sight as well. And she saved him from drowning. As well. Then she started asking her grandma about humans. That's when she realized that mermaids live for over 300 years, 200 years more than humans, but they will die and perish as sea foam and cease to exist. However, humans have an eternal soul, a beautiful form that lives on in Heaven after their demise. She did her maths, and felt that the soul's a much better deal in the long run. So the little mermaid yearned for the prince and the eternal soul and sought the help from a local sea witch, who actually ain't as evil as plump, scheming but oh-so-charismatic Ursula. Apparently being a witch is like an occupation. Somebody got to do it. But there are side effects of the spell. Beautiful legs that can dance wonderfully, looking light as feather. Excruciating pain piercing the soles of said feet and terribly terribly bleeding. And oh yeah. She had to trade her prized possession, her intoxicating voice for the spell to work. And no, the prince do not just have to kiss her, but he'll have to love her and marry her. Then she will gain a soul and live together with him. Else she'll die and disintegrate into sea foam. "She'll also be Heartbroken" need not be mentioned. I think that is pretty obvious.

So off the little mermaid went. But... the prince didn't know she's the savior. And no, there's no singing crabs, no beautiful lights, no romantic boating excursions, and no meddling seagulls to help save the little mermaid. And here's the part that takes the cake: as part of the spell, she can dance very well, thus the prince loved to see her dance. And dances she did, out of love, but every step is like a sword piercing her feet. AND SHE CAN'T MAKE A SOUND.

You ever felt a pin pricking your foot? Remember screaming and yelling? Now imagine the pin is now 10 times the current size. And imagine it going all the way into your sole.

So the prince started to fall for the little mermaid, but he still felt a little something something for the "savior" that saved him from drowning. And here's the other part that takes the cake: the little mermaid saved him from drowning, and left him on the beach. A temple girl came along, by sheer luck and coincidence, the prince regained conscious at that moment, and like a little chick gaining vision for the first time, assumed that the first person he saw was his "savior". Like, how much bad luck the little mermaid needed already. But this cuts so close to home to real life. Everything is all about timing. Which many can relate to not having.

Third part of the story. Prince had to get married to another princess for political reasons, but being hot-blooded and selfish, he refused! Saying he would rather marry the little mermaid for he had, by that time, developed feelings for her. As a reader, you felt joy, ELATION. She got her man. And its not easy dang it. Dancing to entertain him when even walking hurted. Does it end like this? Happily ever after?

NO IT DIDN'T.

King's mad that prince didn't want to marry the princess due to some mute little dancer, even if she is a hottie. But he still made the princess pay a visit to the kingdom, probably in hope of conning or coaxing the prince to marry a hottie, but princess material instead. Technically, the little mermaid is a princess, and her father's a SEA king. King of a small land would had had a better deal with the little mermaid, but who could blame him? He didn't know. And she couldn't explain. And then Hans Christian Andersen shoves another fist into your warm warm chest. The princess turned out to be the temple girl. Yes you heard me right. Princess was there to for education. Prince immediately was all over her, and vice versa. And the wedding was arranged. Of course, the little mermaid despaired. More of the lost love, and later, the loss of her family for naught, and even later, of all the pain she suffered and the imminent death. But family is always there for you. And her sisters were actually monitoring her from the sea. Seeing that their beloved sister was doomed, they cut their hair, their collective prized possession, in exchange for a magical dagger. All the little mermaid had to do was to stab the prince with the dagger and let his blood drip upon her legs to turn back into a mermaid, full health included. But she couldn't do it. Because she had a heart. And she plunged herself into the ocean, accepting her death, much to the despair of her sisters.

Lo and behold, she found herself floating above the ocean after darkness closed over her. Turned out that due to her drive to get a soul, she became a daughter of the air, a spirit who could ascent to Heavens after 300 years of good deeds to children. Here's the f-up part. If the said children behaved badly, the daughters of the air had to cry, and each tear is one additional day to their service timing. As if each of them had not already suffered so much to become a spirit. The only highlight is that if the child behaved well, a year is taken off. But tell me, just looking around you, how many well behaved children are there? Oh the poor poor daughters of the air.

That's a tale to make you cry your empathy out.

As for the Disney's version, I don't hate it. It's actually my favorite animated film of all times. But this I must declare. I cried at the ending. Not of joy but of despair and empathy. Look at King Triton. He lost his daughter, he found her but gave up everything else to save her. Only to have to give her away to another man.

Look at him. Stand in his shoes. Would you have been able to do the same?

____________________________________________________________

sometimes to make someone else happy, you have to sacrifice your own happiness.

Cries

2010-12-03T00:18:00.001+08:00

Why Not?

2010-11-30T01:40:00.003+08:00

[Its a tumblr image that someone linked me.]

Before I finally drifted into dreamland I heard a chorus of inane giggles coming from behind the curtains of forest nearby. But I didn't care, I had nothing to fear. Whoever they might be, those people, they were my subjects.

__________________________________________________

How apt.

Nice Day

2010-11-28T02:07:00.003+08:00

I had a nice day.

I HAD a nice day.

And you went ahead and ruined it.

Thank you EQ music.

Married To Work

2010-11-25T23:23:00.006+08:00

I'm married to work. Basically living and breathing work. I thought I might share with you some influences that work might have affected my life...

In health...

In the choice of companionship...

In technology...

In socializing...

In taking care of self-image...

Guess what I'm going to work on next.

HELL YEAH.

Museum Magic: Trip To Peranakan Museum

2010-11-21T00:11:00.008+08:00

Its magical but its nothing that will blow your socks away.

Its just a museum. But still. I love places like that. Immerse yourself in culture. I barely comprehend the mere understanding of the Peranakan Culture. But the Museum provides me with an insight to what is. I still hardly understand. And thats the magic of it. Drawing me back, to learn more, to find out more. Curiousity.

The Proletariat Poetry Factory was there, offering a free poetry composition for a word.

Solitary, soul

Living outside the rhythm of love

and Life.

Without desire on finds peace in

Nightfall and disconnectedness-
Detachment.

An inward sustenance, an emotional appeasement,

No one can break me but me-

Waste not want not
Always apart

In a soul sommunion with oneself

In pockets outside of time.

_________________________________________________

Fate

2010-11-20T15:10:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, it isn't Fate. Its about getting off your ass, making that move and changing your life for the better. I need to evolve faster, better, faster.

Here's Something Interesting for my Readers. Am going down to it later.

See you there if Fate permits.

_________________________________________________________________________

Explore Singapore: The Magic of the Night

20 Nov 2010

Saturday | 6.00 p.m. to 12.00 a.m. | @ Peranakan Museum, 39 Armenian Street

重逢

2010-11-17T23:10:00.004+08:00

你有你，我有我，不同的路。为什么今天要这样重逢？
当你和我随人群擦身而过, 请你不要把思念写在脸上.

1:37AM

2010-11-17T01:37:00.001+08:00

i am scared.

3.45am

2010-11-05T03:46:00.008+08:00

Still up. Just completed my work. Not supposed to... but... i can't resist. Just bubbling over with excitement.

Here's a review of the upcoming iPhone Shapes App!!!

(I can't post anymore images, I think I'm not even suppose to post this...)

In case you're not on facebook, here's a link to an article on the Olive iPhone App I was involved in!

Here's a preview of the HD icon for the HD version coming up.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

_____________________________________________________________

I can't deny it. I'm a full fledged workaholic. I love what I am doing!

YES YOU!

2010-11-05T00:02:00.003+08:00

SHAN!

Thanks for being mad for me. Cause I've no energy to even be mad anymore.

You take my anger away from me by being angry for me. XD

Bird Park

2010-11-03T23:27:00.002+08:00

I AM GOING TO BIRD PARK ON SATURDAY! I PROMISE TO TAKE PICS!

Ingenuous

2010-11-02T22:58:00.002+08:00

Ingenuous

a. Showing innocent or childlike simplicity and candidness.

Some days when its just so frustrating. Some days when enough is enough. Some days that left me gasping for air at the end of them.

And then the person who seemingly created all these mess, comes up to you with an ingenuous look and gleefully told you, "We made it. Thanks to you."

Suddenly, black is no longer black. White is no longer white. Its no longer about being right, being fair. But being there for that person... now and in the near future. Despite all the sh*t.

Donkey Craters! [m18 content]

2010-11-01T03:09:00.006+08:00

ASSHOLE
1 usually vulgar : anus
2 a usually vulgar : a stupid, incompetent, or detestable person
b usually vulgar : the worst place —used in phrases like asshole of the world

Shan: "its kinda hard to not like someone's who nice"

Me: "its kinda hard to like assholes."

Shan: "but the person you like is an asshole."

Me: "...that is true... I'm amazing that way."

Shan: "its okay, you have your asshole."

Me: "I do. And if I get him, I'll have TWO assholes!" (smiles happily)

MATHS. Makes Life More Optimistic One Greedy Dumb-ass At A Time.

Sick

2010-10-27T14:42:00.002+08:00

Body's giving way. Need to re-adjust my lifestyle. Feeling terrible... emotionally, mentally, physically. I would if i could, flip the finger at Death and his three other hommies. But damn, they are strong.

Exhausted

2010-10-24T17:21:00.002+08:00

Everything that was a whirlwind yesterday, was sort of settled. Forgiveness was begged/demand/cajoled from my hurted self. It literally exhausted me to the core. I slept from 6am - 12pm, periodically sms-ing people back. And from 6pm to 12am. From sheer exhaustion.

Shan is saying that I'm too forgiving. But that's the way I am. And thank you, Shan and Mira, for being there all the way since we're friends. For being angry for me, being angry with me, being angry AT me... Because you guys care for me.

And thanks to people who messaged me, I am fine now. Thank you, thank you for caring. *bows deeply* Life will be better. And hopefully, hot molten rocks will rain upon Boon Keng and crush all chikopeks in there.

what the hell

2010-10-24T02:30:00.003+08:00

what the hell man. of all people, more often than not, you would expect more from people close to you. And really. REALLY. To be so insensitive. I no longer care in thinking if i was being needy to my friends or not.

That insensitive comment hurts. ALOT. Bloody crying my eyes right now. what the hell man.

All in A Day.

2010-10-24T02:04:00.002+08:00

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

2010-10-20T00:53:00.002+08:00

I am sorry for my wistful thinking. Sorry for my naive innocent thinking. Thinking that everyone have equal rights to simple things, like education, job qualification, healthcare and love.

The poor can only try their best at education, give up further studies due to lack of funds. Watch others go on. Despair. Pretend that its okay. Its not.

The lowly educated will forever be considered last when in comes to job. Hardworking? Its okay, we'll work you to the bones for miserable pay. Because you are not that well educated.

Healthcare. You can pay, you get a doctor. Else you watch your loved ones around you suffer. Pretend its okay? Hell no, its not.

Love. I am just never entitled to it. I GIVE UP.

I'm gonna take a long break. Not even sure anyone reads my blog anyways.

Financial Health

2010-10-18T23:38:00.003+08:00

A typo error started this post.

Friend: "...wait till your financial health is beter."
Me: "beer? Oh crap. It is like beer."

Yes, currently my financial health is like a mug of frosty cold beer.

Cold, frosty beer that looks damn good across the bar.

An empty, forlorn mug when its in your hands, with the world tipping upside down around you.

Beer. Thats why I stopped drinking.

BOH Gathering

2010-10-17T23:48:00.004+08:00

Lots of things have changed since the BOH group last met up with each other.

Undeniably, I see everyone improving. I see everyone moving onwards. And I feel that I've changed too. And somehow, I will be changing even more.

What will happen?

_

waaaaaAARRGHHHH!

2010-10-17T12:06:00.003+08:00

I woke up with a Song Pounding in My HEAD. And I don't own the mp3 and only heard it once on youtube eons ago. And I really woke up screaming "waaaaaaaaaaaarrrghhhhh! I'm NOT AFRAID!"

(Hook)

I'm not afraid to take a stand

Everybody come take my hand

We'll walk this road together, through the storm

Whatever weather, cold or warm

Just let you know that, you're not alone

Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

(Intro)

Yeah, It's been a ride...

I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one

Now some of you might still be in that place

If you're trying to get out, just follow me

I'll get you there

(Verse 1)

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay 'em

But you won't take this thing out these words before I say 'em

Cause ain't no way I'm let you stop me from causing mayhem

When I say 'em or do something I do it, I don't give a damn

What you think, I'm doing this for me, so fuck the world

Feed it beans, it's gassed up, if a thing's stopping me

I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly

And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony

No if ands or buts don't try to ask him why or how can he

From Infinite down to the last Relapse album he's still shit'n

Whether he's on salary, paid hourly

Until he bows out or he shit's his bowels out of him

Whichever comes first, for better or worse

He's married to the game, like a fuck you for christmas

His gift is a curse, forget the earth he's got the urge

To pull his dick from the dirt and fuck the universe

(Hook)

I'm not afraid to take a stand

Everybody come take my hand

We'll walk this road together, through the storm

Whatever weather, cold or warm

Just let you know that, you're not alone

Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

(Verse 2)

Ok quit playin' with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap

I shouldn't have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it's a rap

You said you was king, you lied through your teeth

For that fuck your feelings, instead of getting crowned you're getting capped

And to the fans, I'll never let you down again, I'm back

I promise to never go back on that promise, in fact

Let's be honest, that last Relapse CD was "ehhhh"

Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground

Relax, I ain't going back to that now

All I'm tryna say is get back, click-clack BLAOW

Cause I ain't playin' around

There's a game called circle and I don't know how

I'm way too up to back down

But I think I'm still tryna figure this crap out

Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't

This fucking black cloud still follow's me around

But it's time to exercise these demons

These motherfuckers are doing jumping jacks now!

(Hook)

I'm not afraid to take a stand

Everybody come take my hand

We'll walk this road together, through the storm

Whatever weather, cold or warm

Just let you know that, you're not alone

Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

(Bridge)

And I just can't keep living this way

So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage

I'm standing up, Imma face my demons

I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground

I've had enough, now I'm so fed up

Time to put my life back together right now

(Verse 3)

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me

Admittedly I probably did it subliminally for you

So I could come back a brand new me, you helped see me through

And don't even realise what you did, believe me you

I been through the ringer, but they can do little to the middle finger

I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of

My world, haters can make like bees with no stingers, and drop dead

No more beef flingers, no more drama from now on, I promise

To focus soley on handling my responsibility's as a father

So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof like my daughters and raise it

You couldn't lift a single shingle on it

Cause the way I feel, I'm strong enough to go to the club

Or the corner pub and lift the whole liquor counter up

Cause I'm raising the bar, I shoot for the moon

But I'm too busy gazing at stars, I feel amazing and

(Hook)

I'm not afraid to take a stand

Everybody come take my hand

We'll walk this road together, through the storm

Whatever weather, cold or warm

Just let you know that, you're not alone

Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

The Dying and The Dead

2010-10-14T22:47:00.002+08:00

I'm fine with Death. It simply means the end of someone who existed before. I may grief and I may reminisce about the good times and the wonderful memories. But I can accept Death.

But I don't do well with the dying. I see the pain they go through, and selfishly, when there seems to be no hope for them, I wish for them a quick painless death.

I'm fine with anger, its just a natural feeling when something goes wrong and out of your acceptance. I let it out, then let it go.

But I don't do well holding vengeance or harboring hatred for others. I believe to forgive, also washes yourself clean from this tainted emotion of hate.

So I am not fine with hating the dying. Why do this news pleases me not?

______________________________________________________________

I wanted someone to hold me when I got the news.

And my heart went "Doki doki"

2010-10-14T01:24:00.008+08:00

When someone who hardly greets anyone goodbye tries to nonchalantly look for you before they leave, and upon looking at you, wave goodbye.

When someone who stares at you in the eyes and smiles deeply, and didn't answer your question, making you bug him repeatedly to get him to reply.

When someone who sneaks a peek at you and you are sneaking a peek over...

When the heart goes "doki doki"...

___________________________________________________________

When you fall in love....

Blackhole Attacks!

2010-10-07T00:59:00.002+08:00

Olalala~ Lacy Underwear!
I can't believe I forgot to do an artwork for September! Oh Mon Dieu!!!
This can not do. After I rest... More to come!

At Work Comic #2

2010-10-06T22:36:00.001+08:00

Because It's easier than asking for a boyfriend.

At Work Comic #1

2010-10-01T01:20:00.004+08:00

Side note: My Creative Director has taken to "whipping" me when I don't perform up to his standard. I foresee a lovely long enjoyable working relationship with him.
Hahahaha... And here's a comic to show what happens when you accidentally bother a Director about 3 frames in editing...

Happy Birthday D-Wong!

2010-09-21T01:15:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday Desmond Wong!

Lazy?!

2010-09-18T22:47:00.008+08:00

LAZY?! AM I?!

Before i go ballastic on the poor sod who said that to me, i just want to clarify... "Yes, I am."

Now I can claw him to near-death without regrets (Keep them alive. They may be a source of stress relief in the future). Stupid Mr D. He NEEDS to learn not to judge people when he didn't even have faith in them. I mean, he's like the direct opposite of me. I'm getting the hang of acting Sunshine and Butterflies when I'm gloomy,He's just a plain old grumpy man EVEN during days of Sunshine and Butterflies. *grumble grumble*

____________________________________________________________

YES MR D CALLED ME LAZY. PUNCH OF FIRE!

Loss

2010-09-12T23:32:00.005+08:00

I don't deal with losses well, and I think several if not all who seen me coping with losses will know.

And suddenly, there's this unexplainable and unrestrained fear of losing something else. This twisting feeling in my heart. The loud thump thump thump of my heart beating in pain.

And the first thing I thought of first, if before its lost, I WILL THROW IT AWAY. Because then, I would not be hurt. Instead, I can live with the fact, that I am the one who made that decision. But its selfish, and in my better judgement, I have decided to let it go slowly. And someday I'll get used to it. And when the day comes, I'm strong enough to smile and walk away from it all.

Goodbye Sanity...

______________________________________________________________________________

Its moments like this that I truly hate myself. For punctuating every serious honest thought with a joke.

So that no one will know the hurt within. I depised myself twisted self.

I Bought Something

2010-09-12T02:14:00.006+08:00

I bought this compilation of 101 chinese love songs (mostly oldies). And so far, am on Disc 2, and I RECOGNIZE ALL THE SONGS! Oh My God. I cried periodically. All those songs. THIS IS WHAT LOVE SONGS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE. ALL THAT EMOTIONS and SWEET Notions of wanting. Not "sexy shorty" and "sex you up" music nowadays. I feel so old. And so alone at the moment.

101 Songs! Still listening to them! Oh... sweet sweet love... Oh.... *CRIES*

I think I would not sleep till I listen to them all.

SOTD - The Fire Within

2010-08-19T01:25:00.006+08:00

Can you hear it?

"Pssshhhhhhh"

The sound of the Fire within me being doused.

Work is being hard to handle. And insults were not taken lightly with a pinch of salt. I only take them with my fist in your face, but nooooo... my best friend did not agree to bail me out of jail. Instead he spent his bail money on a figurine. I am just waiting for him to blog about how good the figurine is. *sulk sulk sulk*

Seriously though, to cure me of my doused fire. I went straight to paint. I whacked some painting which I trashed. Looked like a Cat played with my wacom Mouse and saved. And I went back to basic pencil and digital paint over it.

And ta-da.

__________________________________________________

i feel better already. Fire REKINDLED!

Teenagehood Flashback.

2010-08-16T23:15:00.002+08:00

I never did like Eminem after his fiscaco with MJ, and concidentally, thats when all his rap musics are all dis'ing every other artist. However, his new song, caught my attention again. And its all flashback.

[I GREW UP WITH EMINEM ON RADIO!]

Oh hell yeah.

Mafia Gathering

2010-08-08T22:40:00.008+08:00

I was the Don's Daughter for the whole of the Mafia Gathering Event. It was so awesome. We looked totally bad-ass and we had fun. Its not as fun as another event I went to. But nevertheless, I enjoyed the gathering alot. Friends, conversation, and karaoke!

Downside, when I got home and took off my red heels, I was like... (rage-voice) "I am gonna burn those pair of heels as an offering to my suffering feet!". I stopped myself in time as firstly, I could not walk well. And secondly, those heels are pretty. Argh.

My left foot's toes are totally okay. But when I went to wash my feet, I saw (to my shock), a crusting of dried blood coating the back of my heels. Apparently the abrasion inflicted from the heels caused my skin to tear and it cut into my flesh. I washed it off. But still a thin line of blood still reminds me the ordeal my left foot went through.

And my right foot's toes were crushed, and I ain't sure when, one of the toes was broken and pierced into my toe flesh. And that's why today, i spent most of my time in bed. I tried to go out for lunch, but when I got home, I nearly weep with relief.

Let this be a warning to myself. NEVER EVER WEAR THOSE HEELS AGAIN. (unless someone is driving me thru and fro, and I have a pair of slippers in my bag as a backup plan)

_________________________________________________________

the thing is, this happened to me more than once. Why I Never Learn?

Word!

2010-08-06T00:01:00.003+08:00

Didn't sketch today. Was preparing for Saturday's party. Picked out the outfit already. Can't wait.

On a side note. I don't want to die alone. But the idea of taking innocent people down with me doesn't gel well. Dilemma... dilemma...

______________________________________________________
Being emotional means at the very least, I am not hiding my feelings from you.

SOTD

2010-08-05T00:51:00.005+08:00

Was distracted by videos of people dancing. (Really good and professionally, not cheesy Internet stars-wannabe.) So SOTD is really rough. My impression of Yakuza, sexy, bad-ass and totally confident of her bare self.

Feeling very happy today. Unexplainable. Work still stressful, but I was happy regardless. I was teasing Mr Director today (and my lovely toe-punching Producer and everyone else around me as well!). That's how good a mood I was in. Usually I can't wait to bite Mr D's head off for ignoring me (its for work! I swear! I totally stop communicating with him outside of work in hopes this infatuation will pass.)

_

SOTD

2010-08-04T01:31:00.003+08:00

Sketch of the Day!

Drowning in work and stress, but not giving up just yet! Casting a final spell!

WILL.NOT.GIVE.UP
____________________________________
work harder. work smarter. work happier.

SOTD

2010-08-03T00:46:00.002+08:00

Still feel stressed. BUT! I learnt to smile at the people making me stressed. Though my colleagues were like "OHMYGODSHE'SSMILINGCREEPILY", I am certain that at the very least, I was not activating my "BlackHole" emotional state. (Whereby I sucked everyone's emotions and energy by being extremely emotionally depressed)

SOTD

2010-07-30T01:12:00.004+08:00

Sketch of the Day!

Feeling a little stressed at work.
So I vent my anger out in picture.

The worst is, its nobody's fault. Everyone is overloaded. So who to blame for the stress of inability to meet dateline? Who to blame when the quality is sub-par? Who to look for when you need help? Then I get so frustrated. Everyone is on the edge too. So this star that used to burn brightly, combusts and became a black hole. Hope you understand. I would also like validation. Please stop making it seem as if you hate to work with me. What did I do wrong?

HAPPY YEAH!

2010-07-27T01:19:00.003+08:00

Thanks to everyone who turned up today to my rushed gathering of Karaoke and plain hangout-talkcock session.

I AM GOD DAMN HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

SOTD

2010-07-22T02:32:00.001+08:00

Sketch of the Day

Appreciation

2010-07-18T21:55:00.002+08:00

Appreciation.

How often does someone let you know they appreciate you? How often do you let people know that you appreciate them?

When teasing my best friend yesterday about a girl he's sweet on, the topic changed to who you treasure the most. Half-expecting it to the girl he's sweet on, he replied honestly that the girl will be who he treasures the most in the future (being his other half) but right now, he treasures me, his best friend, alot.

Whether intentional or not, his comment made me smile. Its not a joke, its nothing funny at all. Its just a simple sweetness that comes from within myself. I wanted to let him know, I treasures him alot too. Friends ARE family members that you choose for yourself. I stumbled over my reply. Hope he didn't get it the wrong way. But I just want all my readers to know, its a really nice feeling to be appreciated. For being who I am.

Have you told someone you appreciate them today?

_

Lazy Bum Moving 2~

2010-07-14T01:09:00.005+08:00

Sorry for the lull in updates.

Am currently working on two personal projects.

Tired and shagged from all the late nights. Complaining, but still up so late... tsk tsk tsk.

Anyway, here's a sneak peek at one of the project I am working on. (Deadline is 30th July)

Speechless

2010-06-25T01:26:00.001+08:00

That's the way I like my man, being a Sunset Lady.

Ahahaha.

Yunda Sayings

2010-06-23T22:19:00.004+08:00

When in pile of shit, look over to patch of grass and work your way to better pastures. If one does not look up, one will always be in pile of shit.

Got into a spat of bad luck for the whole week. I've kena scoldings left right and centre. Its my own fault lah. And now people are worried because I seemed sad and that affects others. I mean, com'on. Me sad? Ha ha ha ha *Sobs* I dare you to say you dont feel sad after being scolded! Oh my gosh.

_

Sketch of The Day

2010-06-21T23:25:00.003+08:00

10 mins gesture.

Upset

2010-06-21T21:48:00.004+08:00

UPSET means feeling or showing uncomfortable feelings of uncertainty.

I was upset today. Its like I am trying to stay cheerful because I am afraid of setting fire to the highly flammable highstrung teammates' mood. But through my smiles and fakely cheerful composition, I am high-strung myself. I didn't realised it. And I guess someone torched me up. And I blew up. Not verbally. But mentally screaming all sorts of curses you normally would not associate with young demure ladies. Curiously enough, one part of me just yakked my furiously typing hands off the keyboard and quited my current means of non-verbal communication, "Skype". A wise move indeed. As without any conversation to distract me, I concentrated with all my might on my work. Without any oxygen to this blazing flame, I cooled off totally and realised that I was highly strung to be really pissed off by highly-strung people. And that I cared, thats why I am upset. If I don't care about you, I would not even bother. I ain't perfect, and I ain't trying to be perfect for someone else, but myself, so I only have myself to report to. I ain't an angel to myself even, but I am happy as I am progressively improving.

And yes, I am still sketching. Never stopping. Its not the quantity as you will get burnt out. But each time you do it, be mindful of WHAT you are doing. Blindly sketching will just be blind sketching. Have an objective each time you sketch. I realize I get better faster if I have an objective. But hey... not all cakes are baked the same way.

Cheerios!

Story Telling Time: Delusional World Part 1

2010-06-20T23:18:00.004+08:00

DELUSION implies an inability to distinguish between what is real and what only seems to be real, often as the result of a disordered state of mind.

Sunday, 20th June 2010, Singapore

6.30am
I awoke to a mild sort of darkness. The darkness that most early mornings have. Stretching, I feel a warm sense of contentment washing over my lean body. After washing up, I trotted downstairs for a quick jog and to my pleasant surprise, who should I see waiting by his motorbike but Mr D himself. Leaning his lanky frame against the bike, he toss a helmet to me and gesture for me to hop on. A jog along the shores with Mr D, a bike ride back to my place, the morning couldn't be more perfect.

9am
Sipping my warm sweet tea, I greet my parents as they awoke and shuffled into the kitchen to grab their breakfast I had bought on my way home.

11am
My brother and I then went out together to town, playing some Lan games together, chatting about his school life and daily nonsense stuff. Quarrelling as we get to our lunch destination, I couldn't ask for a more endearing bonding moment with my lovely kin. My friends were already there, gesturing impatiently for me to get over to start lunch. Chatting happily away, I secretly check my handphone to see if there were any messages from anybody. One. Bingo. I blushed happily as I read the simple yet sweet message from Mr D. "Hope you have fun!"

6pm.
Back at home, playing board games, I paused the game halfway to help my family pack some dinner. The chitter-chattering of my family over warm takeaways just cheered me up so much.

10pm.
Painting digitally. I half-smiled to myself as I chatted with my buddies over MSN.

11pm.
Turning in to bed. Tomorrow will be an even BETTER day.

I love my life~!

_

Really Interesting Topic

2010-06-20T23:17:00.000+08:00

I need One.

Lazy Bum Moving~!

2010-06-18T00:02:00.005+08:00

Nya~~

Got prodded by someone who reads this blog, stating that I've been lazy!

Indeed I've been!

Goodness gracious. So here's a hardworking post to cheer everyone up!

At work:
1. I sorted out my invoices. (for Voice Over)
2. I've sorted almost 3/4 of my paperwork to Re-use or Re-cycle.
3. Slowly getting a sinking feeling that work might never end.
4. The cold of the air con is pressing against me. I feel... oppressed. By an air con.
5. Work email not working, causing me great irritation. I didn't like to use personal email for work. There is a line drawn somewhere, even if I devoted most of my time to my career.

At home:
1. MY ROOM IS HAVING A MAKEOVEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR!
2. I realised most of my furniture is white!
3. This weekend, my family is going to saw my old bookshelves to re-create smaller furniture! I can't wait!!!
4. Got a couple of little drawings done up. Will scan them this weekend to update everyone.

And... I really want to be more feminine. Just to see how "cute" I can be... *ponders*

Here's a song relating to my feelings. There MUST be MORE than this life.

Welcome Back!

2010-06-11T00:58:00.002+08:00

A post dedicated to the guys who just came back from an envious trip to Nippon.

Welcome Home!

What Scares You?

2010-06-09T01:14:00.002+08:00

I was snoozing on bus 55 on my way home when I suddenly jerked wide awake, walked calmly over to the exit and reach there as my bus stopped nicely at my bus stop. Not being fully conscious, I just pat myself on my back for managing to wake up in time.

As I alighted the bus, instead of heading straight for the overhead bridge, I turned the other direction blankly. And bend over.

There, flickering underneath the bus, are active flames, licking desperately at each drip of oil leaking out slowly but nevertheless surely.

The uncle beside me was eyeing me as I refused to budge in that weird position and he saw that flicker of bright orange light as well. He started yelling at the bus driver and all the passengers ran off the bus to the bus 25 that is driving up to the bus stop or away from the site.

I just stared blankly, thinking, "That would not burst into explosion, nor get any more serious than it as long as the bus dont drive off." And I stood here calmly, while the bus driver put out the fire and other uncles stayed to see if help is needed.

After the smoke cleared, I walked off calmly, and smsed my friends. Shan replied almost immediately, panicking. And I wondered in puzzlement. Why is she so flustered?

Only when I reach home did the full impact of it hits me. And now i can't sleep. Not because I didnt get the hell out of there during an obviously dangerous situation, but because I felt the confidence that the fire at that point of time, is definitely not going to go off.
And I feel freaked out. In the past I would have assumed that some greater mystical being is watching over me (explaining why I have no fear). But currently, one singular scary thought keep running through my mind.

I HAVE NO SURVIVAL INSTINCTS AT ALL. I HAVE NO FEAR TOWARDS ACTUALLY DANGEROUS ELEMENTS.

_

House Arrest

2010-05-29T01:22:00.009+08:00

House Arrest
Definition:
In justice and law, house arrest is a measure by which a person is confined by the authorities to his or her residence. Travel is usually restricted, if allowed at all. House arrest is a lenient alternative to prison time or juvenile-detention time.

I've done this artwork, finally! And as a bonus to any readers out there, usually I don't attach my working piece, but you must understand why I find this piece worth the mention. I've attached the evolution. Oh my god, the sketch was horrible and down right ugly.

And a childhood flashback with this wondrous song while I sketch my next Month's work.

On a side note, I'm in a mood for pigtails.

Mother Nature 2

2010-05-20T22:20:00.002+08:00

She tried to kill me.

Remember the Mango incident? So She might have gotten a little pissed that I was smug. Or that I ate the mango... But never mind that. Mother Nature strike again today.

I started out happy and cheerful. Unsuspecting, and totally not guarded at all. So I went to work on time, reaching my bus-stop early. Humming an out-of-tune song with my hoarse throat, I stepped off the bus into a patch of slippery muddy ground. Wobbling, I just smirked, stabilized myself and stepped lightly onto concrete pavement. The slight drizzle was a warning, I did not register it at all. So with a skip in my step, I stepped into another patch of mud, and withoutevenawarningIjustfellfacefirstintothemud.

And I had to wear my colleague's freaking short shorts for the whole day.

So Mother Nature, Kudos for humiliating me. I love a challenge. You may have humiliated me, but you will never stop me from being immortal.

NEEEVEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrr.

Unless you can create some sort of typhoon that can make me work at Disney studios, we can negotiate, till then... NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

The Unstable Poise

Feeling Down

Hold on!

O_O

Coffee, one cup I had

No Coffee - Day 4

No Cofee - Day 3

No Coffee - Day 2

No Coffee - Day 1

Arghhhhhhh

Hair

That Feeling Of!

Special Morning Update

One of Those Days

Privacy at Work: Where to draw the line?

Animation OVERDOSE

Home Before Midnight: You earn 1 achievement Award

Quick Sketch

W-w-what's happening?!

A Tribute

What A Terrible Terrible Event

SalonpaS

I'M SO EXCITED.

Collaboration Art

The Golden Rule

Remember Sad Saturday?

Sad Saturday

The Heart Song

Focus!

April Is Coming!

Oh look...

Caffeine

Volonté (Willpower)

Avant!

A Sombre Entry

Look what I've made!

Conservative Chinese Woman

Why Would They Fall for You?

A New Look

Sometimes I say the Darnest Thing

Can we pretend...

Good Bye 2010 Tiger!

A Modern Tale

2011- FINALLY

2011

Letter to Santa

That time of the year again

Fairy Tales

*Cries*

Why Not?

Nice Day

Married To Work

Museum Magic: Trip To Peranakan Museum

Fate

重逢

1:37AM

3.45am

YES YOU!

Bird Park

Ingenuous

Donkey Craters! [m18 content]

Sick

Exhausted

what the hell

All in A Day.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Financial Health

BOH Gathering

waaaaaAARRGHHHH!

The Dying and The Dead

And my heart went "Doki doki"

Blackhole Attacks!

At Work Comic #2

At Work Comic #1

Happy Birthday D-Wong!

Lazy?!

Loss

I Bought Something

SOTD - The Fire Within

Teenagehood Flashback.

Cries