Loss

I don't deal with losses well, and I think several if not all who seen me coping with losses will know.

And suddenly, there's this unexplainable and unrestrained fear of losing something else. This twisting feeling in my heart. The loud thump thump thump of my heart beating in pain.

And the first thing I thought of first, if before its lost, I WILL THROW IT AWAY. Because then, I would not be hurt. Instead, I can live with the fact, that I am the one who made that decision. But its selfish, and in my better judgement, I have decided to let it go slowly. And someday I'll get used to it. And when the day comes, I'm strong enough to smile and walk away from it all.

Goodbye Sanity...

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Its moments like this that I truly hate myself. For punctuating every serious honest thought with a joke.

So that no one will know the hurt within. I depised myself twisted self.