Can we pretend...

...that everything is alright when it's not?

This past few months have been a roller-coaster ride of logic thinking. And I've given almost everything I have, every decision I made, every action I create, a lot a lot of thought.

And I decided to cut everything cancerous to me away. Including friends, behavior and thoughts... Everything falls into place when I behaved logically. Like woah. And suddenly my life seems uncluttered. Nothing is perfect, but everything is shelved properly. Cold, clean and unfeeling.

Amidst the standard daily routines, I was listening to music and I just wonder... Am I too late to chase my dream? I really want to chase my dream. I'm crazy to think of that, but I just wonder... why not?

Ahahaha... Ends up, after all these logical thoughts, I'm still drawn towards the emotional pulls of the world.

I enjoy animation, I enjoy drawing, I enjoy the arts. But that's not my deepest dream.

I've been dreaming this dream since I was 4 or possibly younger. And I didn't pursue it due to health reasons. My own mother cried at my despair, at my pain, but she ultimately pulled me away. The physical pain is nothing compared to the sullen hurt of the lost dream. I didn't realize how much it hurt my mum, how much despair she felt. I am sure its not her dream to be a housewife as well. I mean, I inherit my ambitions from her!

But then again, if I could go back in time, would I have changed all my actions, and made all the different decisions?

I would have to forsake everything I know, everyone I know and love.

The truth is...My Answer Will NEVER MATTER. And I would cry thinking about it. Because I obviously can't go back in time.

So I'll just enjoy what I'm doing right now. After all, not everyone gets their dream, right?

HELL NO.

I'm taking different steps now. I didn't make all these changes to just continue being the same as I am.

.