Conservative Chinese Woman

Conservative Chinese Woman

Within her own box of rules, she is Bounded.

Her own set of fears, in truth, unfounded.

Her intimate feelings hidden but ablaze.

Seeming genteel, till you catch her gaze.

ps. This blog is going weekly!

Why Would They Fall for You?

Without A Warning,

Pitter patter pitter pat.

They Fall Just for You.

A New Look

My Blog has a new look!

And I feel apprehensive about tomorrow, because I've been procrastinating some work...

Oh God. I'm actually scared.

Sometimes I say the Darnest Thing

So today I was chirpy and in a surprisingly good mood despite work having some hiccups.

And I was talking to a colleague as he was heading off, trying to be social and just downright friendly.

He shook his head and said earnestly,

"Where ever you're heading, I'm heading the exact opposite direction."

And left smiling.

And I yelled back at him, laughing,

"well, if we head far enough, we'll meet at the other end of the world!"

I said the darnest things sometimes.

Can we pretend...

...that everything is alright when it's not?

This past few months have been a roller-coaster ride of logic thinking. And I've given almost everything I have, every decision I made, every action I create, a lot a lot of thought.

And I decided to cut everything cancerous to me away. Including friends, behavior and thoughts... Everything falls into place when I behaved logically. Like woah. And suddenly my life seems uncluttered. Nothing is perfect, but everything is shelved properly. Cold, clean and unfeeling.

Amidst the standard daily routines, I was listening to music and I just wonder... Am I too late to chase my dream? I really want to chase my dream. I'm crazy to think of that, but I just wonder... why not?

Ahahaha... Ends up, after all these logical thoughts, I'm still drawn towards the emotional pulls of the world.

I enjoy animation, I enjoy drawing, I enjoy the arts. But that's not my deepest dream.

I've been dreaming this dream since I was 4 or possibly younger. And I didn't pursue it due to health reasons. My own mother cried at my despair, at my pain, but she ultimately pulled me away. The physical pain is nothing compared to the sullen hurt of the lost dream. I didn't realize how much it hurt my mum, how much despair she felt. I am sure its not her dream to be a housewife as well. I mean, I inherit my ambitions from her!

But then again, if I could go back in time, would I have changed all my actions, and made all the different decisions?

I would have to forsake everything I know, everyone I know and love.

The truth is...My Answer Will NEVER MATTER. And I would cry thinking about it. Because I obviously can't go back in time.

So I'll just enjoy what I'm doing right now. After all, not everyone gets their dream, right?

HELL NO.

I'm taking different steps now. I didn't make all these changes to just continue being the same as I am.

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