The other Yunda

Hello to anyone who stills read my blog. I appreciate your existence. Salute!

Oui, oui, i didn't update my blog for a long time. My conceptart thread for an EVEN LONGER TIME. My insurance policies was hang on the hanger. Start to see a trend?

I get depressed, and supposedly an epiphany, then higher enlightenment, motivation then depressed again. I really need to stop this cycle. Its damaging to my facial complexion. All that stress! Tut-tut. Oh mon dieu!

So anyways, there is the Other Yunda. The one that i fear is who I WAS before i turned into who I AM today. Who I am today is a vulgar, ugly, old, bitter, emotional woman. Who I was, was a polite, presentable, chirpy, shy lady. What made me change? And wosrt, what is making me change BACK? I actually blushed at work. Something anyone hardly sees me anymore. Tie my hair up with a COMB, i usually just grab with hands and pin it up. And actually politely and nicely talked to my colleagues. Is this the influence of the french language? Or just the basic nature of me coming out again? Have the bitterness of my dashed dreams cleared off? Or was it the playing of electric organ that made me remember? Remember that I was once filled with love? Believing in the best of everyone even before I realise it, treating people with love and respect, thinking that they'll treat me that way back?

This week i felt like I am useless. Didnt do anything USEFUL. Anyhoo, the summary of my change:

CAREER:
Yunda: Phucking stressful with phucking workload.
Other Yunda: Great opportunities! Lets tackle it one at one time! And it doesn't matter how long you take! Just get to the goal!

FAMILY:
Yunda: Shitty thing happen to my family. PHuck you fate.
Other Yunda: We'll stick thorough all this together. We love each other. Thats what matters.

LOVE:
Yunda: NO WAY HE'll LIKE ME BACK. Why why why!
Other Yunda: Nothing shameful to like somebody. Let him know. And we'll see how from there.

Yunda: Shit you!
Other Yunda: C'mon! What's wrong? Play some music, let it go... chill. Life is but a fleeting moment in the whole stretch of what we call time. Take and give. Take and give...
Yunda: Shut up. You're a weakness!
Other Yunda: (tying hair into pigtails) No, wrong, you're Denial. I'm strength. I'm the truth.

.... I'm hearing voices in my head. I need to see a shrink. Oh my gods, its the stress...