/B/acon Party

Its weird, a small bunch of 6 of us. Gathering at Mao's place, eating Bacon, bacon, bacon, pork shabu shabu, infinite ham, and drinking only beer and vodka. And all with only one similarity.

AWESOME. Somehow I don't feel out of place with them. I feel really happy. Its a very simple gathering. And somehow, I am really happy despite shit that happened lately.

*Rolls around in childish happiness*

That and I start to find dogs cute.

I lost So Much

Ever have the feeling that though you have acheived something, you lost alot of others? Ever think that though you have monetary items, you lost Hopes? Dreams?

I can eat and afford alot of good stuff ever since -insert start working date here-. Yet all I want right now, is a bowl of homecooked instant noodles with whatever leftovers in the fridge that you can dump in, at 3am in the morning, and tired BUT happy, while doing my work. And anytime i want to, i can pick up my handphone next to me, and my best friends will be available to talk to me to keep me awake. While he or she is doing his or her work at the same time. And my mum to burst into my room, asking me to sleep! And nag non-stop, then end up cooking something in the morning so I can have a hearty breakfast to start another tiring but happy day.



I lost so much. For what?

Illustration.Monday challenge:

Interpretation of Song Title picked by Bubble Princess,

Alpha Beta Gaga by Air.

A very simple post.

Life is as you believe it will be.

If you think its great, its great. If you think it sucks, it sucks.

Sleepless Night

I thought this will never happen to me. But it did.

I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking of someone.

I just can't sleep. My room is in a mess. My table is in a mess. My feelings are also in a mess.

And that someone will be overseas for a long while. While I logically thinks its a great time to get my mind off him, I.. can't sleep. He's not even overseas yet, and already I am missing him.

I am pathetic. All i can do right now, is to draw.

And dammit, but my drawing look so serene and calm.

Somethings Just Don't Change... Does it?

Feeling very emo today.

Yesterday went out to play Left 4 Dead with a bunch of friends.(like close to midnight as work ended VERY LATE AGAIN) CRAZY TIME MAN. Its my first time playing at a LAN place. And hearing them cussing while you scream out of terror and out of purely a need to scream, totally different ambience! Most of the time they were just cussing for me to shut up. Hahahahaha. Funny people. Hahahahaha.

Basically this is how they play:

Nims: "...okay guys we need to stick together...and we ambush them at this junction.."

Pooky: "...when I give the signal..."

Rinny: "...alright. Let's do this..."

From any of their POV, their teammates are poised around the door, their guns pointed at it.

SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT.

Nims: "...quick! In here!"

Pooky: "... saving Rinny..."

Rinny: "...Saved! Protect Pooky, health low!"

-Game End"

My team, basically is very similar. But I don't understand how we can lose. Simply dont.

Eddie: "...okay guys we need to stick together...and we ambush them at this junction.."

KKYZ: "...when I give the signal..."

Me: "...what do I do with this?..."

Eddie: "...HOLYSH- DONT THROW THE FIREBOMB IN THE SAFEROOM!.."

KKYZ: "...HOLYSH- PUT IT DOWN NOW! PUT IT DOWN. DON'T THROW! DON'T!..."

From my POV,teammates are poised around the door, their guns are pointed at me.

SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT

KKYZ: "...quick! In here!"

Me: "AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHH"

Eddie: "... save me! save me!..."

Me: "AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHH"

Me strolls past Eddie

Eddie: "YUNDA! HERE! HERE! -CUSS CUSS- MF, you just walked pass me!"

Me: "AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHH"

Me turned around and shoot.

Eddie: "WHERE YOU AIMING?! AIM THE ONE ON TOP OF ME! NOT AROUND ME! YOU!"

Me: "AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHH"

I really don't understand how we can lose that badly. 4 digit score to 1 digit score.

Then we played Call of Duty: World at War. I boomered. My friends' first time seeing someone boomered. Guess what? Its my first time boomering when playing a FP game as well.

On a side note, I realize everything that I did affected everyone around me. I will take responsibility. I will admit my mistakes. Not going to run anymore. I'm really sorry for the wrong things that I've done.

And nothing lasts for ever. Not even love. Looking back, I don't regret loving and losing. But I regret losing even before trying. I found a photo of one of this guy I had a HUGE crush on in the past. The thing is I didnt tell anyone about it. By the time someone knew, I was already attached to my ex. So I never knew... And it has become a thing of the past. Looking at the photo, I realized that, I don't want to live my life the same way for the rest of my life.

I regretted not telling you I loved you then. I regretted not trying. But this regret makes me change for the better. I will tell the people I love I love them. Before its too late.

This blog is only known by a few.

So I wouldn't feel exposed if I confess here.

Got to build up courage somewhere right?

So here goes.

I love you, Capybaras. Forever and ever.

Its The Truth

Just came back from another 21st birthday party. (KKYZ's)

Its pretty awesome. VERY BIG PLACE. 2 pool tables that costs 1dollar a game!

Its tons of fun (DJ HERO!!!! -insert scream-, Rockband Wii), food was great (must have costed a bomb), and the Karaoke screen was EPIC. (Its simply a projection on the far wall.)

Hang out abit after that. We had a round of truth and truth. Lots of fun. Lots of things that we found out. Heh heh heh. Snigger snigger snigger.

Very tired.

Nicest thing that someone said to me in a long while, "you're a good person". Simple as that. Instead of putting me down all the time, someone just say something positive about me. I would have cried if not for the fact that I am too shag to even cry. Hah!

Thats to say, despite whatever negative thing someone will say to me in the near future, I'll always remember that, there are people who still appreciate me. Its really nice way to end a weekend. (For me my week starts on a Sunday) I guess I am just kinda used to people close to me say negative stuff to me for too long and for granted.

And I would have cried for one simple reason. After so much fun and love around such lovely friends, its very lonely to be alone. Very.

And I miss Mira. (If you're reading this, I just want to hang out with you again.)

Vain Cat...

... is vain.

(picture from halloween party two days ago)

Can't blog much today though I went home ontime from work (to me its early). Am supposed to do work, but am currently in great pain. Through this pain, I just kept thinking...

I just want to reach out for a hand, to dance the pain away.

Or simply reach out for panadol and warm water. And banana and nuts bread. Surprisingly good.

Goodbye October...

Yesterday was awesome... Its so awesome, I can only put it down in Point forms.

-walked around in Golden Mask, with Cat Ears and Tails in Raffles City with A Bunny Striper (Sorry KKYZ, but it does look like a striper more than a waiter!) and Ip Man. (who can't speak a proper sentence of chinese...Irony!)

-Got stares.

-3 Amigos met up with Shredder (Hojyn) and cont'd walking around City Link (searching for last minute presents).

-Bloody Shredder got Cute Girls running up to him and asking to take photo with him. Alone.
-Realise Singapore is quite sad indeed, what with us being the only group dressed up on Halloween.

-Met another group! (About 5 people)

-Met ANOTHER group! (Took a photo as the kid has neko ears like mine!)

-Met up with friends, finally!

-Jaw dropped as their costumes are all so AWESOME!

-We got
MJ (birthday boy),
Joker,
Witch (Girlfriend of Bruce Lee, we're not implying anything...),
Bruce Lee,
Ip Man (see what happens?),
Polar Bear (Birthday Girl),
Another Neko (but our cat outfits are vastly different, thank you gods!),
Biker Fallen Angel (who really really really looks very cool indeed as Zoro! Now demanding the photo taken with him from mysterious person who took it. Sad to say, I dont remember who took it...),
Surgeon,
Nobody-Loves-Me EmoKid (who tried dying again when I profess love to him),
Bunny Striper (who doesn't strip, but reads your palm instead),
3 Harry Potters (i guess he finally learnt a new spell eh?),
Shredder,
Scream,
Nerd Boy,
Devil (Girlfriend of Nerd Boy),
And... Humans (those who didn't dress up)...

-Party was wild (remember kids, we're already crazy on our own, when we group together, its like giving never-blunting pen knife to a emokid, we slashes our pride away and become entertainment for the night, and then regain pride of being THE entertainment for the night.)

-Then went home in a Cab around 2-3am in the morning, realises I can't see properly with my left eye, my contact lenses for my left eye is missing. And my left eye is hurting like hell. Can't see the contacts... In pain... And when I found the source of the pain and pushed the contacts out of my left eye, I was near to tears... Thus went straight to sobbing on Surgeon's left shoulder as he was unfortunately sitting next to me. Thus taking the virginity of his left shoulder. For those who are interested, his right shoulder virginity was taken by Nobody-Loves-Me Emokid who rested his armpit on it that very same cab ride. Embrassing really, once I realised that i was crying infront of them. Nearly jumped straight up and looked out of the window, pretending nothing happened. Sorry Surgeon!

Thus concluding that... I can't wait for the army friends to ORD, so we can hang out more often and not worry about being arrowed duty any more! I'm with you guys! ORD ORD ORD!


(on a side note: I have really grown fat and ugly. That and all the ladies at the party are GORGEOUS! How they all have changed! GORGEOUS i tell you, GORGEOUS!)

Growing Up.

We're all bound to.

But I wish we don't have to.

Knowing that you have a desire for one thing but giving it up to preserve someone else's desires, that's growing up. If you keep fighting, you know both parties will get hurt. So you let go first. That's why you let go.

I hope that there's someone who understands what the hell I mean.

I... find smiling more and more difficult to come to me naturally. I started thinking of smiling then I smile at work and home. However I don't feel sad or depressed. Just a very resigned feeling and contentment.

Ps. I wish to work at Google. I heard that their workplace is the BEST!

Yunda's Sketches

Art Dump. Sorry for being such an art-dump whore.

Yunda @ Request

Hi y'all!

Yes, at a special request from KKYZ, i decided to blog about something.

Taiyaki is nice to eat.

Its pretty much nothing drama-mama happening in my life right now. Nothing interesting anywayz.

But to update, here's a summary...

September And October Updates!
(In Order)
I went to DesmondWoot's 21 Bday party... I realised I am different from the other similar gender homosapiens there. I am more like a guy there than a girl... Male friends consoled me by saying that I play Guitar Hero which makes me awesome (though obviously not attractive in the other way) though at best, I can only score 78% in EASY mode.

I gathered the courage to buy a gift and handwrapped it painstakenly for the guy I am fond of. He... didn't show much emotional except for "thanks!". For the whole day, disappointment ran a 8-wheeler across my hearttracks on a 24hr race.

At work, I sort of "quarrelled" with this particular colleague of mine. Let's call him South Park Guy. He wrote something offensive to me and cc-ed everyone in the office. I nicely emailed him back the points i disagree with him, without cc-ing anyone, just him alone. Then he confronted me by yelling at me in the office. I was like: "What the shazzer are you yelling at ME for?"

Following day SPG tried to be nice to me. I'm guessing he's trying to be nice to make it up for the mis-communication. And SH*T, I was afraid of him being so nice. I tried talking to GIL (Guy I Like) about it, and GIL was saying that I cooking up politics in the office. Hurted that he have such an impression of me, I was silent the rest of the month)

Weird... by the end of the day, i was almost crying and upon meeting up with kkyz, cried out: "WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?!"

Then kkyz and I went to meet up with a ex-colleague at Acid Bar, she's celebrating her last day at work (though I am the only one from office to turn up for that event) with her friends. Another friend of hers frenched her infront of us. Its a woman. The guys were like : "HOLYOHMYGODDIDYOUSEETHATIGOTTOTWITTERABOUTIT" and I was like: "Woah. It looks like any other normal couple kissing. Meh."

Then I let slipped that my pay is slightly different from my colleagues. It came back to bite my ass. I learnt things about myself that I wished I didn't. One of my friends was too honest and told me what others think of me. I tried to change though, but it does not feel like its me anymore, and I ended up even more confused until I realised the problem. Simply said, I am (in others' eyes)...

A. Always comparing myself to others, and the verdict will always be that I am more pitiful.
B. Very attention-seeking
C. Complained to much

Ahhh.... I said too much.

And worst... Lately I keep having the feelings that my colleagues hate me. Two in particular... Weird... But am gonna ignore it.

Basically I am just thinking along this line for life now.

We all live different lives, who are we to judge others when others do not judge you? Since you started judging me, I can safely say that you are to be judged as well, and who is to say you do not have any bad points? And frankly, I REGRET TALKING BAD ABOUT SOME PEOPLE. Ends up they are better that others. And I feel the guilt. And people whom I trust them fully, are the ones who rips your heart out for dinner, then have your guts for the vultures and dogs. I will therefore, not comment anymore negative things about anyone else besides myself, as I only have the authority to judge myself and myself alone. If you are not happy with it, sod off.

On a happy note. I really am happier lately.

Wordy Entry

I had had freakin rough months. September especially, a tiresome month emotionally and physically. I had enough of smiling at people, just so it'll please you. I may be brazen and loud, but I am still HUMAN. To you lately, I may seem cheerful that's because I have my own baggage and my own way of dealing them. Please dont trample over my garden of peace.

I am currently pissed. I was cheerful for the briefest shortest amount of time. Why must you ruined my day? Even if anyone else ruined my mood, I can just eat/complain/sleep it away. WHY MUST IT BE THE PERSON I TRUST MOST who hurt me the most? Simple gesture, simple action... Hurted me so deep. Let me curl up and moan my sad guillible self. At least pixies are still real.

The other Yunda

Hello to anyone who stills read my blog. I appreciate your existence. Salute!

Oui, oui, i didn't update my blog for a long time. My conceptart thread for an EVEN LONGER TIME. My insurance policies was hang on the hanger. Start to see a trend?

I get depressed, and supposedly an epiphany, then higher enlightenment, motivation then depressed again. I really need to stop this cycle. Its damaging to my facial complexion. All that stress! Tut-tut. Oh mon dieu!

So anyways, there is the Other Yunda. The one that i fear is who I WAS before i turned into who I AM today. Who I am today is a vulgar, ugly, old, bitter, emotional woman. Who I was, was a polite, presentable, chirpy, shy lady. What made me change? And wosrt, what is making me change BACK? I actually blushed at work. Something anyone hardly sees me anymore. Tie my hair up with a COMB, i usually just grab with hands and pin it up. And actually politely and nicely talked to my colleagues. Is this the influence of the french language? Or just the basic nature of me coming out again? Have the bitterness of my dashed dreams cleared off? Or was it the playing of electric organ that made me remember? Remember that I was once filled with love? Believing in the best of everyone even before I realise it, treating people with love and respect, thinking that they'll treat me that way back?

This week i felt like I am useless. Didnt do anything USEFUL. Anyhoo, the summary of my change:

CAREER:
Yunda: Phucking stressful with phucking workload.
Other Yunda: Great opportunities! Lets tackle it one at one time! And it doesn't matter how long you take! Just get to the goal!

FAMILY:
Yunda: Shitty thing happen to my family. PHuck you fate.
Other Yunda: We'll stick thorough all this together. We love each other. Thats what matters.

LOVE:
Yunda: NO WAY HE'll LIKE ME BACK. Why why why!
Other Yunda: Nothing shameful to like somebody. Let him know. And we'll see how from there.

Yunda: Shit you!
Other Yunda: C'mon! What's wrong? Play some music, let it go... chill. Life is but a fleeting moment in the whole stretch of what we call time. Take and give. Take and give...
Yunda: Shut up. You're a weakness!
Other Yunda: (tying hair into pigtails) No, wrong, you're Denial. I'm strength. I'm the truth.

.... I'm hearing voices in my head. I need to see a shrink. Oh my gods, its the stress...

Tired Out.

Tired out. Seriously. Today i was rushing all my work. Must be perfect perfect perfect. I was shagged to the bone rushing out the stuff. Yet still got more to do. And now, my HDD is driving me mad by not letting me sleep as I will never sleep while my laptop is on. (Unless i fainted into sleepy oblivion.)

Tomorrow will be meeting up with buddies at iLLuma to watch a movie together. Finally! We need to watch that show!

One thing to be happy about, I talked to Grape. Was happily contented. Smiling internally without showing anyone about this forbidden love. Hopefully I will let go emotionally soon. TIll then, I am surprised that I am easily contented with a simple conversation (though sadly its about work). I think I changed. Within myself. Alot.

And smiling the rest of my days through; the high points and low points in life just averages out to a smile.

I make no sense, I am freaking tired. Curse you evil HDD! Whom i named Elements. Curse you Elements!

I was so sleepy i doodled something on Photoshop, without any idea or image, and voila.

i am scared of what i did.

Emotional Yunda

I was thinking of this song, i went to Youtube to search for it. The thing is, i heard it before. Listened to it before. Watched the music video before. Yet, yet, yet, when i watch it again today. Today. I cried. And I am not sure why.

I think I will learn how to play this song on the piano. 4 weeks.

Today's Sketches. A study of Ben Caldwell and Stephen Missal's character designs. Nothing original.

Yunda @ Home

And on the seventh day,Yunda says "I should stop screwing up at work".

Lo and behold, she will.

I went out sketching on Saturday with Shamadalie and some people from conceptart.org. Its really fun hanging out with them. I sketched a fair bit. To be honest, I am very flattered to hang out with people whose passion in drawing can actually make them tatoo the word "draw." on their arm. And I realised that I never truely grew up. I whined alot, complained alot. And there are guys here, of different backgrounds, different statuses, gathered together with no clouded eyes to judge you on your drawings or your work or your outlooks. Everyone is a friend who sketches together. Simple, pure, unclouded thinking. Yesterday I was happy, to be with strangers who wouldn't make me think this way. Nor say I am naive. Or stupid. Or weird (and really mean it).

I am really happy lately. Just one final wish, I want to dance with someone special. Just dance. Ballroom, hip-hop, anything. Just to dance together with someone special. And eat scrambled eggs with him every morning at 3am. Haha.

Today's Sketches.

Yunda @ Home

I smiled alot at work today. They commented that with me back in the office, its noiser. I don't know whether to laugh or to feel sad. Its so complicated. So I smiled.

I laughed out loud alot in the office, but the fakeness of it echoes in my ears. Have I degraded to such depths? Am I gonna turn superifical?

They joked to me, I didn't think its funny, I smiled happily. I feel so heavy inside, yet i feel an urge to hide it all hide it all hide it all hide it all. I went home and I smiled. Still so heavy.

My colleague asked me if I still think of Mr Grape, frankly, I still like him. Yes I still silly-willy do. But I told her "no". My other colleagues asked me that if I want to join them for a Movie. Yes i wish to. But i went home instead. My family needs me more. Or is it the other way around.

This is how i feel lately.

Highly irritated as the radio I am listening to has SO MUCH STATIC.

*edit, am erasing two blogs as this might hurt my colleagues' feelings if they ever find out.

Yunda @ Home

Something i sketchy metchy when i told Kkyz to draw something about lemons. Haha. End up he diverted from that and drew something else.

On a side note:

I think i screwed up at work. I dread going back to work. I really do. But I am gonna still face whatever coming to me.

Life just dished me another problem, and now i contemplate. Money or Passion?

And my Mother's greatest wish right now is to see me married (YET another problem). And i went... WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?!.... after half a day, much contemplating... WHAT?!

She doesnt even know I was attached previously and broke off. But... WHAT THE HELL.

WHAT!? Hahaha. This lemon will never get a Grape. See, lemons are sour and unappealling even to look at. Rough surface, sour taste. Realistically speaking, no Grape, sweet and juicy, will ever look at a Lemon without disdain. Oh well, enough self pity. Back to work work work. Happier now, i'm gonna make waffles first then go back to work. Till then, my adopted son, MM will do my work. Snapshot of him at work~

Yunda Little Sketch

Will there be a Grape for this Lemon? Why do i feel so lonely at times?

*Listening to Flightless Bird, American Mouth (by Iron and Wine)doesn't help much about this embrassing feeling of something lost, yet to be found.

Yunda @ Home

Lemon saw Grape, alone and forlorn across the stream. Their eyes met, and something unexplainable happened then. It could only be labelled as love. Yet this sweet feelings only resulted in horrible outcomes. Their offsprings are all drained of their life liquid to be sealed in a container of sorts for demons' comsumption. Such is the result of forbidden love. Or another way of interpreting the Lemon Flavoured Ribbena advertisements (on repeat lately on Tee Vee). Oh wells.



I took off for one week for personal reasons. I realised i was slowly but surely breaking down in the office. Thus the harsh judgement on my wrongly accused colleagues. Its work stress. So this one week should be a good break for me. I think. More often than not, i am usually wrong. Oh wells. To those who bothered to read my blog, and to those i dont even know reading my forsaken blog, something really big happened. But i survived with a new haircut and specs. Haha. Lighten up. Loosen up. Live life as it lasts, for you can't undo (or Control + Z to many of us) any mistakes or any regrets.


So here are some big things that I made/will make to change my life around.


Big Thing 1.
I am gonna change my attitude in my office. Am gonna start the day with a smile. Do my best. End the day with the smile. Anytime in between I will allow myself a short session of ranting, but only to my imaginary friend, Bullocks, who only resides within the toilet.

Big Thing 2.
My ex got attached. I'm actually pleasantly surprised that I ain't affected badly at all. That's good. I've really moved on. Or it could because I liked someone else. But... the current guy I like, is like the Grape to my Lemon. Except this Grape doesn't seem interested. Yo, Grape! Lemon is here! Yoooo-hooo. (If Shamandalie is reading this, yes i am referring to Mr. D. Yes, you may laugh your posterior off at the visual image.) Well, if there is mutual feelings, Grape will look up and look at me in the eyes. Sweet. Will be patient about it. Don't wanna make a mistake again.

Big Thing 3.
I am updating my portfolio. I am really astonishingly displacing my posterior to get it done! 3 cheers for me. Yeah yeah yeah! And i bought a HDD to finally back it up! (learnt my lesson the hard way, with only a hard copy portfolio to show and all works erased the last time).

Here's some teaser of how my works are like.

I kinda like how the second one turned out, it looks partly like canvas-painting for the textures, I made them myself out of brushes in Photoshop. The first was photo-based. And i should get my work-website up and going. Am happier lately. Lots of thinking pays off. Either that, or the fact that i bought two new pair of shoes, made a new pair of specs, bought that HDD, had a haircut and danced awkwardly while Shamadalie looked on in great mirth PLUS all those thinking pays off. Finally what i planned to do since MARCH, I DID IT IN 2 HOURS IN AUGUST (not the thinking, it took me 2 weeks). I really need to plan my time better.

Well... At least I am happy. Now if only this Lemon can get that Grape!

Signing off,
Lemon.
(Sharks, that sort of make me a yellow fellow eh?)

*Edit: I'm gonna follow what Shamandalie do, and upload one sketch each day to convey my emotions. Will you cheer?

Yunda @ Work (There should be an eclipse...somewhere)

I'm sorry about the lack of updates. I am just so copped up with work. And I cant seem to get anything going due to lack of motivation. Apparently I just need to chill. Or something. But suddenly yesterday, i had another epiphany (i think thats how its spelt). And my life is changing just like that.

On a side note, its 8.26 am  here in Singapore. I'm in the office and THERE IS NOTHNG INTERESTING ABOUT AN ECLIPSE THAT IS HAPPENING ELSEWHERE. I did not suddenly manifest supernatural powers.

And i really need to find a way to listen to radio. The things i do to listen to radio. I have like a makeshift mini radio station beside me just so I can tune in to 987fm. Haha.

Today is the operation day.

*Tuning out all bad thoughts, bad feelings from my heart and brain*

I miss paintball. Photo attached is of my bosses.

Yunda@Home

Today is a tiring day. Will update sketchy tml or tuesday. I foresee a long long long long week ahead. Not looking forward to it. Seriously. So much on my mind.

Today from 3.30-10.30 was the happiest day in the whole month. Happiness.

Yunda Blares it All

Today could possibly be the worst planned day of my life. And yet today is when I earned another rung on the ladder of self-achievement.

I have a fondness for some people in the office. Girl or guy doesn't matter. Its just a fondness like beyond gender, more than friendship. Like... sibling love. That's it. I don't see it beyond anything. Like elder siblings taking care of me. And they're still damn annoying at times. Very much like my brother and mine, but they don't live under one roof with me. But obviously they wouldn't know. And I've been called alot of things in the office. But sometimes, at the tiniest friction of time, I feel tremendously hurted when such close (in my view only) people calls me an annoying idiot. Am I?

Sigh. I feel hurted today because of something someone said to me. And I'm very proud (yet slightly disturbed at the same time) to say, instead of arguing back, I simply slammed my hands on the table, and went to sit in the toilet till I cooled off. Then when i came back, I saw what he's trying to do. He's trying to... I'm not sure, but something like making me realise there's more I can do. Unleash my potiential, I believe. But surprisingly, I watched my very calm and collected self typed the message back, bearing my hurt on his harsh words, yet ending it off with a very meaningful "thanks". The other half of me wrote the F-word on a piece of paper out of mini F-words (kept in my drawer). Hur hur hur. I'm only human.

Sometimes, when these people express their disappointment to me, I might take it harder than necessary. But i realised, they meant me good. I sincerely believe.

Today I was supposed to go swimming with a friend/colleague of mine. Twice weekly. However something cropped up in office and Fireball needs to go back to office the moment we reached the swimming complex. Sadden really. Kinda feel guilty, like its my fault.

Sigh. Will update with some sketchy metchy in a while's time.

Moody day. Lots of things to think about.

Yunda @ Work

Oh my gods, i am still at work. Its like 4am in the morning. Abit tired. But its all gonna be worth it. After clearing this project, I can concentrate on my other project. 

Yeah, thats one thing to be happy about. And If possible, i wanna go eat Mcd Breakfast later... Hungry..... nom nom nom....

Scrambled eggs...

Too tired to update anymore. Back to WOOORRRKKKK.......

*happiness is being contented with what you have, aka a stale cake with unblown candles at your home while you're in office at 4 am in the morning*

Brrr....

Brrrrr.... Its chilly where I am sitting in the office now.

Okay maybe its a saturday... Okay maybe its a day where people arranged to meet up with me... Okay maybe its a day my mum can see me before the sky turns dark... Okay.. what the hell am I doing at my office?!

Work. And moving place. Currently I've shifted up to 5 times at work! Its like... Woah! Now now, I am not an itchy backside (slang for someone who can't sit still for long periods of time)... nor does my company have sitting arrangements with position (i ain't promoted)... I have my reasons. First few times I've moved its because I'm new, and they haven't yet decide on a place for me. Then I moved on my own accord because my partner-in-crime wanted to move to a colder place, so i Moved. Then i moved for the fourth time because my higher up wanted to keep a closer eye on me. But where I was sitting before this, the air was stale, and no one was there to talk to. I was slowly but surely getting depressed there. And my work attitude dropped to rock bottom and I sucked at everything. Now Here, directly underneath a bad-ass aircon, I am gonna boost my work attitude!

Wow, even when typing this, i feel a chill down my front, not my spine. MY HANDS ARE FREEZING... Tried puffing out a breath of warm air and... Nope, cant see my breath in the air yet. But my brain is working very fast here.

Though its a saturday, I am in great company. Two of my colleagues came back as well. So I ain't alone. And as long I am not alone, I wouldn't get depressed I hope. And one of my colleague is playing a list of chinese songs which is surprising nice and calming. Not those rock rock rock kind, which gets my mood high, but will make my temper short. But I didnt expect my colleague to have that kind of taste. And once again, for dinner, someone treated me. I said once again because previously another really sweet colleague of mine gave me a ride home twice! We took the cab back together. But she refused to take payment from me. Arghhh.. Now i feel that i owe them something. Somehow. Must. Pay. Back. Thats whats singing in my blood. Sigh. I wish i can be more dishonest and just accept the treats.

*boo hoo* I smell like fried fish.

Party Surprise!

Technically it was yesterday, 10th July, but since its only slightly over 1am today, i shall refer to the 10th July 2009 as "today".

We are here today, gathered together, a group of friends that had not been gathering for months or weeks, or even year plus plus, to celebrate the 21st bday of our dearest friend, Akie. May he now rest in piece. Amen. ( I think he'll whack me to bits for this)

Anyways, seriously. He turned 21! A milestone in life that changes most things, though not everything. But surprisingly, this is one of the happier birthday parties I've been to. Though I've not been to many, this is definitely HAPPY. We didnt do anything special, except maybe a friend that he missed came back from overseas and surprised him pleasantly. We went to Orchard Centre, ate at a Mexican Subway-wannabe. Cut cake. Ate Cake. Played guitarheros on the xbox at FunCentre just upstairs of Mexican Subway-wannabe. They were closing store, so we went to Cathay Cineleisure, went to catch some soft toys... *cough cough* And ran to catch the train. I guess its true for the saying, sometimes its just the company that counts.

No one prepared much of a gift. I made a namecard-sized card, got people to write their blessings. (mine was: May you be blessed with the worthy virtues of a Gentlemen) So he can keep in his wallet and remember us when he sees that. And a very very lovely black tie with silvery patterns. I really loved the tie. (Aaaannddddd... the rest didnt have anything... I didnt see anything.) BUT they brought along a most wonderful gift that cant be recieved physically. Their friendship and their well wishes.

Its really a happy celebration. Nothing fancy, yet every bit memorable. I wish the same for all those that means alot to me... May every celebration of yours be memorable, happy and everybit sincere...

*tears*

Stared At @ Work

Today at work, i thought that someone who will never hate me, stared at me in the most hateful way possible that the image seared into my brain. Gosh. All that over a small piece of chocolate and some whip cream. (The Glare! The Glare! Ahhhh!) I used to do such a thing before as a joke, so its like it couldn't be mistaken as NOT a joke, unless you're using this as an outlet for your anger.... *ting ting ting* Anger Management Issues!

I guess that's why you cant really trust anyone on anything at all. I don't hate that someone. Now after that "look", i don't particularly love her/him either. And it WAS someone close to me at work. I guess, influences from Someone Else who have impure thoughts (as in backstabbers) will really changes the most innocent person into someone whose look can be so spiteful.

So, i made a mental note not to offend her/him ever again and to watch out for her/him. You can never be too careful. It doesn't mean I'll stop talking to that someone or start plotting against the someone. Just to be more careful of how I behave.

I made alot of blunders at work again. Sigh. But i must learn to love myself, for no one else (saved for my family) will love me as much as I do. So I will each day after work, remain happy and smiling. Its a motto i believe in. Starting to anyways.

Oh, side note: I'm so nervous about tomorrow. The KK Results are out.

Another side note: I'm forming a band with maaah budddies~!

Peace out!

Doodles Title: Picture of Myself.
Self explanatory.

Panties At Work

Today I had to design for kids' panties for merchandising for one of my company's more well known show. It was hilarious with the way everyone react to it. Heh heh.

Family wise, we're all supportive. Don't worry ma, its REALLY nothing. Tried to be more useful at home, but am still reaching home late. Instead, i focus on trying to teach my brother about his homework. I still got the brains in the family... D'oh!

Tried baking a cake for tomorrow's farewell cum july's birthday babies office party, big mistake. I was so tired when i reached home at around 8.30pm today that I smack went to bake the cake, forgetting that the amount I am Baking is for FOUR people only. (family size, thats how much we bake for ourselves). Then when baking in the oven, i went to snooze. Big Mistake numero two. Its partly burnt, pretty flat, totally not presentable. So i chopped it up and soo gonna make my friendlier colleagues to gobble it down.

I am so mean.

Maybe I can add some posion to posion somone... Heh heh heh.

Ps. This Post is 90% truth, 10% wishing.

Anger Mangement Issues

Bleh, such a horrible day.

Recalled something that makes me feel better yesterday. Sensei Kenji says something wise to me yesterday; " you cant get up if you didnt fall down completely".

I dont have anger management issues. ARGH.

Basically because I don't even have anger management. Bleh.

Tomorrow going to hospital with mah mama, worried like shit. sketching really incoherent stuff. Bleh.

The Emo Job Entry II

SCREAMS! ROAR! WEEP! (like a real man! yeah!)

Today was another horrible day at work. Horrible. And humiliating. I sought for divine help from the shrine shaped like a seat and a bowl at the same time. After sitting on it in solitude for half an hour, i wiped my tears away, went back to my seat, and weep again. Pathetic. But something to be said about me, I tend to draw better, paint better (or at least faster) when i am furious. Anyhoo, here's an update on my latest (and lately only) painting.


And a little clipping of something i like to call "MSN Art". Symbolise something I really feel; about a game? about life on the whole? or about my day at work today which really sucked, and really really pissed me off? Thanks for nothing, Mr B.


Cheerios

The Emo Job Entry

I sat in the darkness, brooding. First because I'm hungry and thus secondly, I've no energy to walk to turn on the lights. Feed me!

Today had been an eventful day in the sense that I feel that alot of events are going on at the same time. Basically Mr B. thrust another daunting task/tasks (i lost count how much i have on me) onto me. Believing (in a very very unfortunate mistaken identity case) that I'm Multi-Task Girl!

Miss K states that I'm very negative and my msn nicknames reflects that. Weeellll..... Guess what kids! Bambi's mum died! And Santa Claus does not exist! Tooth fairies are not real and neither is Get Rich Quick Genie, and oh gods, excuse me a moment, got something in my eyes....

I hate multi tasking. Simply because when the computer crashes on you, all the windows you had open on ye old faithful iMac vanishes into oblivion and you're left wondering did you complete that transfer, did you save that work, did your renaming works, did you manage to clear the excess files in time or did you submit the files in time? And the answer is always NO. Because Fate loves me more than Luck does. 

I tried to clear whatever work I have, I really tried but its like I can't... Then they blame you. When you can, they pat you on the pat and say... "Ain't that easy?" Hell, no! Like, helllooo? 

See my point is, I'm not negative, its just that negative things tend to happen to me. I believe that I'm very much positive which explains why negative stuff tends to get attracted to me.

I voiced out to my colleagues that I didnt like to do a particular project and I'll feel stressful when working on it. Of COurse I'll be picked to do the project. Its like expected, Fated. Everything possible will go against me.

"Er...Mr B is the best!"

Oh wells, I've a couple of ideas in me that's brewing. Once the beer is done, I'll serve it chilled in mugs for everyone!

New Outlook in Life

"I'm alive~!" I roared as i type and update my long deceased blog.

Alot of updates to update my friends who couldn't contact me because i didn't pickup their calls my phone has been quirky.

Lo and behold! I've switched job since I've last blogged, deciding that my colleagues ain't that hot and all and besides, that bloody company didn't even pay me.

So in the last 11 months, I've been working as a PRODUCTION COORDINATOR, though my boss says its Production Manager now. I highly suspect Mr B. does it to pacify my overwhelming complains of over working. I am still overworking.

Highest accomplishment is that I've exposure to Voice Recording, Animation checking, Model Pack checking, Tracking scenes and Marketing... etc etc...

So to make myself feel better, I'll be doing up my own personal projects and pretending everyone likes them.

To make it a point, I've broken up with the one true love of my life, and like everyone who had placed their feelings in their relationship, it bloody hurts. Its been nearing 4 months, yet I still weep when I remember about MOTL (my one true love). My colleagues were like, "why you dope-headed Yunda, just forget it already! MOTL doesn't want you back at all, so let it go!". Truth is I've let go and I know the limits. Its over means its over! I've been hurt as much as I've hurt MOTL. But sometimes, emotions are weird. I've not really smile since that fateful day. So Basically I'm an emo-wreck. Then my friend told me to write instead of emo-ing to begin walking again. So I'll be like Johnny, that guy who keeps walking... Johnny Walker i think... Someone famous, heard his name around Pubs alot.

Anywayz, I've an upcoming project for people to comment on if anyone actually does visit this blog at all. Will update later.

Remember... this blog is 95% fiction, 2% fabrication of reality and 3% real. <--- which does this line belongs to?